Sweeter Than Kandy
by britgirl2003
Summary: COMPLETED. Kirsten and Sandy fic. Missing Kandy scenes from Season Two. Final chapter added for The Dearly Beloved.
1. The Distance

**Disclaimer: I don't own The OC or its characters, etc. **

**Thanks to Kylie for helping me name the fic. Given all the angst going on in the Kandy marriage at the moment, I thought the title was appropriate – I'm going to try and write as much fluff for this season as I can!**

**The Distance**

Kirsten and Sandy ate in a tense silence. In fact, Kirsten had hardly spoken since Sandy had come home from Portland without Seth; she simply glared when he spoke to her, her anger at him very apparent.

"I kinda like eating amongst the furniture, it's cosy," Sandy said, breaking the silence and attempting to lighten the mood.

It didn't work. Kirsten gave him another look – one that Sandy was convinced she had learnt from Ryan – and went back to eating her dinner.

Neither of them heard the front door or the low murmur of voices, until Seth's voice rang out from the other side of the kitchen.

"So we leave for, like, three months and you tear the whole place apart?" he teased.

Sandy's head jerked up and Kirsten spun around in her seat.

"You're back!" she cried. With a squeal of delight, she jumped up from her chair and ran towards her two sons, throwing her arms around them.

"There was a two-for-one special on brooding young men," Seth joked, wrapping his arm around his mother. Ryan did the same, happily accepting her embrace.

Sandy watched from a distance. He hadn't seen his wife this happy in months – three months, to be exact, since the gruesome twosome's wedding day. As Kirsten let go, he wandered over to his boys.

"Are you coming back too?" he asked Ryan.

"Uh, yeah. It's a long story but I figured this is where I belong, so…" Ryan trailed off.

Sandy smiled before stretching out his arms to embrace Seth.

"Yeah, uh, what he said," Seth laughed.

"Good. 'Cause nobody leaves this family twice," Sandy said, reaching out his hand to Ryan, who took it. "Welcome home."

"Thanks," Ryan said. It felt good to be home.

"And Theresa and the baby?" Sandy asked cautiously, wondering what had happened to bring Ryan back to Newport. Had Theresa kicked him out? Had Eddie reappeared?

Seth glanced over at Ryan, who had lowered his head. His eyes flickered and he stared at the floor, searching for the right words. Seth, for once, waited patiently for Ryan to speak.

"There is no baby," Ryan said eventually. "Theresa…she, uh, she miscarried."

Kirsten gasped quietly. Sandy stared at Ryan for a moment, his mind processing the news. The smiles they had all been wearing instantly disappeared. Ryan stood quietly and Sandy tried desperately to guess what he was thinking.

"Ah, son, I'm sorry," Sandy offered eventually. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm ok," Ryan shrugged. "I don't think I've really got my head around it yet."

"Well, we're here, if you need to talk," Sandy offered, placing a firm hand on Ryan's shoulder.

"Thanks," Ryan said gratefully. "I think I just wanna go crash out for a while, is that ok?"

"Of course it is," Sandy answered. "We've been saving the poolhouse for your return."

With a half-hearted smile, Ryan left the kitchen.

"How's he doing really?" Sandy asked Seth once he knew Ryan was out of earshot.

"I don't know, he hasn't really said much," Seth replied. "He seems pretty bummed, but at the same time I can tell he's happy to be back here."

Sandy nodded slowly. He looked over at Kirsten, who had been silent since Ryan's revelation.

"Hey, Seth, why don't you go and settle back into your room, then check on Ryan, see if he's hungry," Sandy suggested.

Seth nodded and made his way back out the kitchen. Kirsten grabbed his arm as he passed, reaching up to kiss his cheek. She touched his face lightly.

"Welcome home, honey," she said. Sandy could hear her voice quaver.

Seth smiled. "Thanks mom."

Sandy walked over to his wife as her eyes followed Seth for as long as she could see him. She wasn't aware of Sandy's close presence until she felt his warm hand on her back.

"Hey," he said, bringing her back into his world. "Are you ok?"

Kirsten looked up at him, her eyes tinged with sadness. "Poor Theresa…" was all she could manage. He body was shaking.

"Yeah, I know," Sandy said softly.

"Do you think Ryan's ok?"

Sandy shook his head. "I don't know."

Sandy sighed heavily and Kirsten looked at him. "What?"

"Is it wrong that I should feel so…" his voice trailed off and he looked away, ashamed.

"Relieved? Glad that he's home? Glad that he's not stuck in Chino bringing up a child that may or may not be his?" Kirsten finished for him.

Sandy nodded.

"Me too," Kirsten said.

Sandy looked up, surprised. "I thought you wanted Theresa to have this baby?"

"Oh, Sandy, it wasn't about wanting Theresa to have the baby. It was about wanting her to do what _she_ wanted to do, not what she thought she should do," Kirsten sighed. "God, if I'd known this was going to happen…"

"You couldn't have known this would happen," Sandy interrupting her.

He knew that part of her bad mood all summer had been partly guilt; she blamed herself for Ryan leaving, which had caused Seth to run away. She had supported Theresa's decision to keep the baby, not realising that it would cause her to lose her sons. Now there was no baby and they had their family back.

"Maybe we should do something. For Theresa, I mean. Send flowers maybe, or call," Sandy suggested. He felt useless and wanted to make up for feeling so glad about the situation.

"I think she probably needs some time on her own," Kirsten said gently, touched by his concern for the girl. "I can't imagine how she's feeling…losing a child. I don't want to."

Losing a child wasn't the same as aborting a child – and that was something Kirsten did have experience of. The abortion had been _her_ decision; it had been on _her_ terms. For Theresa, some greater being had intervened and decided for her.

She thought of Seth and a chill ran down her spine. She knew that Sandy was thinking the same. She wanted to reach out to him, hide in his arms for a while; but the summer had strained their marriage, they both knew it.

"I'm gonna go check on the boys, make sure they're settled," Kirsten said.

She reached out and squeezed Sandy's arm gently. He pulled her in slightly and kissed her temple. Physical contact between them had been lacking the past few months and Kirsten had forgotten how much comfort his touch could bring her.

"I love you, Sandy," Kirsten said suddenly. She reached up and ran her fingers over his rough cheek.

Sandy smiled. "I love you too."

He watched as Kirsten walked outside towards to the poolhouse.

The summer had been hard, but now their family was back together, they both hoped that things would get back to the way they should be.


	2. The Way We Were

**The Way We Were**

It was nearly midnight by the time Sandy returned from the police station. He found Kirsten sat at the kitchen island, staring at a cold cup of coffee in front of her.

She looked up when she heard him come through the door and into the kitchen.

"Hey," she greeted him. She started to get up but Sandy waved for her to stop as he walked towards her and sat down on the other stool.

"How did it go?" Kirsten asked. Part of her didn't want to know; that way, she could pretend like it wasn't real, like it wasn't really happening.

Sandy shrugged. "I couldn't get him out tonight. He'll be released on bail in the morning," he answered.

"It's bad, isn't it?" Kirsten said. She already knew the answer.

"Yeah, he's in serious trouble," Sandy said, regretfully. It was no secret that there was no love lost between him and his father-in-law, but he knew that this was upsetting to Kirsten and he wished he could protect her from that.

Kirsten nodded.

"What did you tell the boys?" Sandy asked.

"The truth," Kirsten replied, shrugging her shoulders. "I couldn't answer all their questions though, you might need to talk to them again tomorrow."

Sandy nodded and let out a long sigh. He looked tired.

"Thank you," Kirsten said.

Sandy still didn't speak.

"I don't think I say that enough," Kirsten continued, placing her hand on his arm. "But I am grateful for everything you do to help him. After the way he's treated you all these years, he doesn't deserve it."

Sandy looked at her. "I do it for you," he said.

"I know," Kirsten said with a small smile. She ran her fingers through his hair and he closed his eyes. "I'll make you a drink."

Kirsten got up from the island and started to move around the kitchen. She lit the hob and placed the kettle on top. She paused and sighed. It had been such a long summer with both Seth and Ryan gone; now they were back and her father's mess was getting worse. She wondered if it was ever going to end.

Sandy watched his wife's back. The tension in her body was obvious and his heart reached out for her, knowing that this evening must have been hard on her, watching her father be arrested. He stood up and went up to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. Kirsten smiled and rested her hand on top of his.

"Are you ok?" Sandy asked, realising that he hadn't asked her that yet.

"Yeah," Kirsten answered unconvincingly.

"It's gonna be ok, I promise," Sandy tried to reassure her.

"You don't know that," Kirsten said.

"No, but I'm going to do everything I can to make it ok," Sandy promised.

Kirsten closed her eyes, grateful for her husband. Sometimes she wondered how she had gotten so lucky.

"Just…just be careful, ok?" Kirsten turned to face him suddenly. "Don't get mixed up in my father's mess."

Sandy smiled at her concern for him. "I think I'm big enough and ugly enough to take care of myself."

Kirsten let out a small laugh. She reached her arms around his neck and leaned into his body, resting her head on his shoulder. Sandy put his arms around her and held her tightly against him, running his hands up and down her back, feeling her relax.

"I love you," Kirsten whispered into his ear.

"I know," Sandy replied. "I love you too."

They stayed in each other's arms, both comforted by the embrace.

"Forget the drinks, let's go to bed and get some sleep," Sandy said eventually. "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted."

Kirsten nodded in agreement. She removed the kettle from the heat, while Sandy took her other hand in his. She leant on his shoulder as they walked down the hallway, craving her bed, craving her husband's arms around her, craving a peaceful night's sleep.

Well, two out of three wasn't bad.


	3. The New Kids on the Block

**Thank you to Jen, Sheryl, Sunny, beachtree, Lauren, ally and FriendsHolic for your reviews, I appreciate every one of them! **

**The New Kids on the Block**

Kirsten had spent the day at work fielding telephone calls from concerned clients. She was tired and stressed; with her father away from the office, the pile of work was mounting and Kirsten could see no end to it all.

"Mr Rubacker, I assure that you my father is innocent," she tried to placate the man on the end of the telephone. She wasn't even sure if she believed that herself. A knock at the door distracted her for a moment and she looked up to see Sandy through the glass. She motioned for him to come in, glad that it was her husband.

The man on the end of the telephone was still talking. "No, he's not in the office but…I'll have him call you."

She hung up as quickly as possible. "I am so happy to see you."

"Guess who no longer works for Partridge, Savage and Kahn," Sandy announced.

"You quit?" Kirsten asked, surprised.

"Or got fired. Quit slash got fired," Sandy answered. "A lot of things were said, none of them good."

"What happened?" Kirsten asked warily.

"Your father. They said as long as I was representing him, I wasn't working for them," Sandy said.

Kirsten sighed. "Are you serious?"

Sandy nodded and flopped down in the chair on the other side of the table.

"So, tell them you won't represent him. We'll get outside counsel," Kirsten said.

"Oh, honey…"

"I'm serious, Sandy. This is your job, your career. You can't give that up because of my father," Kirsten said.

"I think it's a little late for that," Sandy said.

Kirsten sighed, despondent, and wearily leaned back in her chair.

"Ah, maybe it's for the best anyway," Sandy said, trying to convince himself as much as his wife.

Kirsten raised her eyebrows, unconvinced.

"I was never cut out to be a corporate sell-out really," Sandy joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Kirsten looked sadly at him. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Sandy was quick to offer.

"He's _my _father," Kirsten stated.

Sandy didn't respond. He couldn't argue with that.

"So, what now?" Kirsten asked.

"Now? Now, I'm going to do what any man in my position would do," Sandy said.

Kirsten frowned and looked expectantly at him. "Which is?"

"I'm gonna go surfing."

Kirsten couldn't help but laugh, shaking her head in disbelief. Only her husband would solve his problems by surfing.

Sandy grinned, glad he could get her to smile. The truth was, without the backing of Partridge, Savage and Kahn, proving Caleb's innocence – or his _alleged _innocence – was going to be tough and Sandy wasn't sure he could do it alone.

The telephone rang again and Kirsten let out a heavy sigh. She didn't want to have to deal with any more clients today, but she had no choice. Damn her father and his lies. She dropped her head, brushing her hair away from her face with her hands, holding it behind her head. Sandy stood up and leaned across the desk, kissing the top of her head.

"I'll see you at home," he said softly.

Kirsten nodded before picking up her headset and answering the telephone.

"Kirsten Cohen…"

She watched Sandy leave her office. How could this be for the best?

It was nearly 7pm by the time Kirsten got home from the office. She had spent so much time on the telephone she had hardly got any work done, forcing her to work late. She came through the front door to a quiet house, her arms full of house designs and paperwork.

"Hello? Sandy? Seth? Ryan?" she called out.

Sandy's face appeared from the kitchen. "You're home!"

"I had some work to finish," Kirsten said, putting down the contents of her arms on the floor.

Sandy moved to meet her at the steps down from the hallway. Kirsten noticed his smiling face, surprised at seeing how happy he seemed.

"Everything ok?" she asked, curiously.

"Everything's great," Sandy beamed. He wrapped his arm around her waist and lifted her off the step.

"Oh!" Kirsten cried as he spun her around 180 degrees, grabbing his shoulders.

Sandy placed her on the floor next to him and embraced her in a kiss.

"What's going on?" Kirsten asked, confused.

"I've been thinking," Sandy said, grabbing Kirsten's hand and leading her to the kitchen. "I know you don't believe me, but me quitting slash getting fired really is the best thing that could have happened."

"Really?" Sandy was right – she didn't believe him.

"Really. I was surfing this afternoon – oh, you should have seen the waves, honey, they were fantastic! Anyway, I was surfing and it hit me. Why should I work for someone else when I can work for myself?"

"Yourself?" Kirsten questioned.

"Yes!" Sandy exclaimed as he poured them both a glass of wine. "I can start my own practice; work for the clients _I_ want to work for. No more petty nuisance cases, no more corporate suits. Just me."

"You want to go into practice on your own?" Kirsten asked, not sure she was following this correctly. She accepted the drink that Sandy offered her.

"Yes! I have the money from the restaurant sat in the bank doing nothing. I can find myself an office and go back to helping people who really need it."

"So…you're happy?" Kirsten asked, still unconvinced.

Sandy nodded enthusiastically. He took the drink from her and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her into his body.

"Honestly, honey, this is going to turn out to be a blessing in disguise," Sandy said, cupping her face with his hands. "You'll see."

"Uh-huh."

Sandy bent down and kissed her lightly on the lips. "What is it going to take to convince you?"

"Maybe half that bottle of wine and a few margaritas might help!" Kirsten joked, before turning serious again. "I think it's a really good idea."

"You do?" Sandy asked, hoping for her approval.

Kirsten smiled. "Yeah. I miss my self-righteous husband."

Sandy pulled her closer.

"Trust me, it's all going to work out," Sandy whispered softly. He kissed her forehead, then her nose, before reaching her lips.

"I trust you," Kirsten whispered.

Kirsten leaned in towards Sandy, resting her head on his shoulder. He ran his hands over her back, tightening his hold of her.

"You don't have to work tonight, do you?" he asked suggestively.

"Where are the boys?" Kirsten asked into his shirt, a smile creeping onto her face.

"Seth's at work and Ryan is studying," Sandy answered.

Kirsten looked up, frowning. "What?"

Sandy laughed at her confused look. "You really haven't been paying attention, have you? It seems our sons have had a role-reversal."

"Wow," Kirsten responded.

"So, why don't you go take a shower and relax? I'll make you some dinner," Sandy said, taking charge and pushing her out of the kitchen.

Kirsten paused and shook her head, no. Her eyes danced playfully.

"No?"

Kirsten grabbed his shirt. "If I'm having a shower…then you're coming with me."

Sandy grinned. "Now that _is_ a good idea."


	4. The New Era

**Thank you to Sunny, Sheryl, Kylie, storymom, Jen, Lu78, ally, paintmyselfout, Pumpkin Muffin and FriendsHolic for your reviews. I liked the last chapter too! **

**I hope you like this one!**

**The New Era**

As Sandy came through the steel gates to the community he passed a caterer's truck and hoped that this was a sign that the party was over. When he pulled into the driveway he was relieved to find it empty. The house was silent. He checked the kitchen for his wife before making his way to the bedroom. He found Kirsten sat on one side of the bed, kicking off her shoes.

"Ah, party's over," he said cheerfully.

"Oh, finally. I literally had to push Steven Herbert out the door," Kirsten answered as she took her earrings out.

"Deal's back on?" Sandy asked, taking off his jacket.

"He re-signed his contracts. Hopefully he'll remember that in the morning," Kirsten sighed.

Sandy shook his head in amusement. "Julie Cooper: definitely understands the weakness of man."

Kirsten turned to him. "You were gone a while?"

"Well, I was driving around, thinking how I find myself again in a very familiar triangle," Sandy said, sitting on the bed next to her.

"What triangle is that?" Kirsten asked.

"You…me…your dad."

Kirsten sighed. "He's guilty, isn't he?" It was a statement more than a question.

"He's guilty of something. Something he thinks we're better off not knowing," Sandy said.

"Well, you've never been one to shy away from the truth," Kirsten said, a little surprised by his defeated attitude.

"I could start now! A man can make a nice life out of cheetos and Dr Phil," Sandy laughed.

Kirsten smiled. "Not the man I love."

Sandy grinned as she leant in to kiss him softly, before pulling away. He stared into her bright blue eyes, knowing that she could see who he really was. Sitting around the house all day, letting Caleb's mess fester while he watched TV, wasn't him. She knew it and Sandy knew it too.

Sandy felt like he was in an odd place right now. Since he had left his job at Partridge, Savage and Kahn, he had felt a little lost. He had his plans for his own practice, but they were just ideas at the moment. He needed something concrete to hold on to.

Kirsten leant forward and kissed him again, and Sandy lost himself in her. He could worry about Caleb tomorrow; tonight he was just going to enjoy being with his wife.

Their kiss was soft and gentle. Sandy lifted his hand to touch her, cupping her face as he savoured her taste. Kirsten's hand rested on his thigh as she leant into him. Their noses brushed against each other occasionally, as their lips broke apart, before finding each other again. Together, they lightly fell backwards on the bed, never losing each other. Kirsten intertwined her leg with Sandy's, leaning into his body, and slowly found the bottom of his trousers, sliding her warm toe up his leg. Sandy grinned through his kiss.

They lay together like they were teenagers, not going any further than enjoying the kisses they shared. Sandy slipped both arms around Kirsten's body and he held her tightly against him. Kirsten's hands rested on his chest, rising up and down as he breathed in and out. She could feel his heart beat under her palms.

All of a sudden, Sandy shifted his body, rolling them across the bed so that he was leaning over her, wanting more. They broke apart and Sandy looked down at his wife as she lay with her hair spread across the bed beneath her. Her eyes looked hungrily at him. Kirsten lifted her head to reach him. Sandy responded by lowering his head and kissing her again, more passionately this time, snaking his tongue around hers. Kirsten's hands wandered over his back, tugging at his shirt.

Sandy pulled away again, breathless this time. He heard Kirsten moan quietly as he moved his mouth away from hers. She tugged at the front of his shirt, trying to pull him back down towards her, but she wasn't strong enough. Sandy held back, grinning mischievously. He stood up from the bed and wandered across the bedroom. Kirsten rolled over, propping herself up on her elbows and watched him. Sandy felt her eyes burning his back as he first turned the light off then pulled the blinds down, sending them into darkness.

Kirsten's eyes didn't have time to adjust to the dark before Sandy was next to her again, his lips pressing firmly on hers.

This was definitely better than cheetos and Dr Phil…

>>>>>

Sandy lay down the middle of his bed, tired and happy, his head propped up by a pillow. Kirsten lay on top of him, her head resting on his chest, her chest resting on his stomach and her small waist gripped by his thighs. He felt her sigh happily against him. Sandy ran his hands over her bare back and kissed the top of her head.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"Nothing. Just that we don't get to do this enough," Kirsten said.

"I guess we didn't make the most of the boys being gone over the summer, did we?" Sandy said.

Kirsten looked up at him, her smile tinged with regret. The summer had been hard on them and it finally felt like their marriage was back to normal. Sandy kissed her forehead.

"Do you think the boys are ok?" Kirsten asked suddenly.

Sandy frowned. "What do you mean?"

"It's just that Ryan hasn't really mentioned Theresa or the baby since he got back, and I don't think Seth is really over his relationship with Summer. With everything that's going on with my dad, I don't want to neglect them, you know?"

"I think they're ok. They're just trying to move on," Sandy said.

Kirsten nodded.

"We can always schedule in some Cohen family time, if you want? Force them to play scrabble or something," Sandy suggested.

"Yeah," Kirsten agreed, settling her head back down on his chest.

They lay quietly for a moment, before Kirsten raised her head again.

"Were they back from their double date when you got home?"

"No. And, honey, it wasn't a double date, it was a group hang."

Kirsten rolled her eyes, amused. "Right. Sorry. I'm not hip to the kid's slang these days."

Sandy laughed.

"Maybe one of us should go and check they're home?" Kirsten suggested, eyeing up her husband for the task.

"I don't think either one of us is suitably dressed for the job, do you?"

Kirsten screwed up her nose. In fact, neither of them was actually _dressed_. And Kirsten was too comfortable in her husband's arms to move.

"I'm sure they're fine. They would have called otherwise," Sandy placated her.

Kirsten rested her head again, content that Sandy was right. She closed her eyes and felt herself drifting off to sleep until Sandy's chest started to rumble as he laughed.

"What?"

"I was just remembering that awful double date that we went on when we first started dating," Sandy chuckled.

Kirsten's forehead crinkled as she thought and she joined in with his laughter when the memory came back to her.

"We went to that little bar with your friend, Mark. He was trying to impress that girl from his course…she had a strange name, like a flower or something, what was it?"

"Coriander," Sandy answered.

"That's it! Oh, I remember. It was small and smoky, and the barman was really creepy. They had some old guy with his guitar for entertainment and he sang completely out of tune," Kirsten laughed.

"And you wouldn't let me get on stage and help him out," Sandy said.

"No, I wouldn't!" Kirsten agreed.

"She never went out with him again after that night," Sandy laughed.

"I don't blame her, it wasn't the best place to take a girl for a first date," Kirsten said.

"It didn't stop you," Sandy said.

"Well, it wasn't our first date," Kirsten defended. "Besides, you were much more charming than Mark was. He used to burp all the time."

Kirsten wrinkled her nose in disgust. Sandy laughed.

Kirsten looked up thoughtfully at him. Slowly, she wormed her way up his body so that her face was close to his, the tips of their noses touching.

"I think I was already in love with you by then, anyway," she said softly.

Sandy grinned. "I _knew_ I was already in love with you by then."

Kirsten smiled and kissed him. Sandy's hand wandered across the bed and found the light switch, plunging them into darkness once again.

Oh yes, this was definitely better than cheetos and Dr Phil.


	5. The SnOC

**Firstly, I've just got to say – I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! I knew Rebecca would run when the car crashed! Bye bye, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out! Keep running. Forever. Please don't ever come back.**

**Ok, I'm done. Thanks you for the reviews – Lauren, beachtree, Jen, Cohen-girl, ally, Jo, Sunny, softthorns, FriendsHolic and Sheryl.**

**I'm not sure about this chapter, it's a little rushed because I'm studying for exams and I've also got big plans for the next chapter (I love Chrismukkah!). Still, I hope you like it!**

**The SnO.C.**

"Caleb, it's your lawyer leaving you yet another message. Call me back, will you, I've had a break through," Sandy spoke down the phone as he wandered across the back yard. He paused next to the pool and sighed.

Kirsten appeared from the door to their bedroom and she walked towards him. "I was wondering what you wanted to do tonight?"

Sandy shrugged.

"Are you ok?" Kirsten asked, frowning.

"Yeah, sure," Sandy said dismissively, changing the subject quickly. "Are the boys still here? We should get some pictures before they head out to the big dance."

Sandy turned and headed back into the house, aware that Kirsten's eyes were following him. He was avoiding the inevitable conversation. Kirsten would naturally want to know what was going on and, for once, Sandy was grateful that attorney-client privilege was going to prevent him from being honest with her; because he knew she would be upset when she found out what he knew.

That Caleb had had an affair with Renee Wheeler sixteen years ago.

And if what he suspected was also true, Kirsten was going to be devastated.

Sandy walked through to the kitchen, finding Ryan dressed up and Seth slouched on the couch.

"Woah, look at you. Oh, you look sharp," Sandy said to Ryan.

Ryan smiled bashfully and let Sandy fix his tie.

"So are you taking that girl that Seth was telling me about?" Sandy asked.

"No, that didn't really work out," Ryan answered, disappointed.

Kirsten appeared and stood behind the couch where Seth was sat quietly.

"Seth, why aren't you dressed?"

"Yeah, you're gonna be late for the party," Sandy said.

"Not the Seth Cohen Pity Party," Ryan offered.

"Could you guys maybe take this discussion elsewhere? Samahung's about to face off with his arch nemesis. It's kind of a big deal," Seth complained from the sofa.

Sandy and Kirsten exchanged a knowing look, realising what it was going to take to get Seth out of the house when he was in one of these moods.

"You know, I kinda feel like kicking back with a good movie," Sandy said, walking around Ryan to sit next to Seth.

"Me too," Kirsten said, taking a seat on Seth's other side.

Seth closed his eyes and groaned as his parents made themselves comfortable. Sandy stretched his arm across the back of the sofa and Kirsten snuggled into the cushions. Ryan leant against the sofa, amused.

"So, what are we watching?" Kirsten asked.

Seth grumbled before answering, "Masters of Martial Arts."

"This is Masters of Martial Arts?" Sandy asked, pointing towards the screen.

"Yes."

"I hear this is wonderful," Sandy offered enthusiastically.

Seth closed his eyes again, groaning.

"Why is that ninja smoking a cigarette?" Kirsten asked, feigning ignorance.

"Honey, honey, I…I don't actually think that's a ninja. Ninjas usually wear capes, right?" Sandy answered.

"Oh, so a ninja is like a super hero?" Kirsten questioned.

That was enough for Seth, who rested his hands on his parent's knees. "Mom, Dad, you two enjoy."

He stood up and climbed over Sandy's legs. "Ryan, give me five minutes."

"Where you going? Come on back!" Sandy called after his son, who disappeared upstairs.

Behind them, Ryan laughed. "Nice work."

"Never underestimate a parent's ability to mortify his child," Sandy said.

Kirsten looked across and grinned at him. Sandy met her eyes and smiled back, before looking up at Ryan.

"So are you guys going solo tonight?" Sandy asked.

"Uh, no, actually I'm going with Marissa," Ryan said shyly.

Both Kirsten and Sandy raised their eyebrows at this news.

"Just as friends," Ryan added quickly. "Actually, I said I'd pick her up soon. I'm going to go and hurry Seth up."

Ryan left, following Seth upstairs.

"Just add Summer and it'd be like old times," Kirsten said.

Sandy nodded absentmindedly, Caleb's dirty secrets still playing on his mind. He looked across at Kirsten, who was watching him, a concerned look on her face. He ran his hand through her hair.

"Ok, so I've decided what we should do tonight," Sandy suddenly announced.

Kirsten raised her eyebrows expectantly as Sandy suddenly spun round and lay down on the sofa, resting his head on Kirsten's lap. Kirsten giggled, running one hand through his hair and resting the other on his chest.

"And what is that?"

"Let's get out of the house; go see a movie or something," Sandy suggested.

Kirsten stared down at her husband. "Are you sure you're ok?" she asked again.

Sandy avoided her eyes and didn't answer.

"Right. I can't ask, can I?" Kirsten said despondently.

"I'm sorry, honey."

Kirsten nodded slowly. "I know," she said, sadly. "It's just…I don't know, it's just hard."

"I know."

Kirsten continued the run her fingers through Sandy's hair.

"I wish this could be over. I just want things to go back to normal," Kirsten sighed.

"Ah, honey, things were never normal," Sandy joked.

Kirsten couldn't help but smile.

"We'll figure this out, I promise. I'll sort it. It'll be ok," Sandy tried to comfort his wife, knowing it wasn't going to be that easy.

She bent down and kissed him, needing the comfort of his familiar lips.

"So, a movie, huh?" Kirsten questioned.

"Yep. I'll even let you choose," Sandy offered with a grin.

"Really?" Kirsten feigned excitement.

"Sure, I'm feeling generous tonight."

Kirsten laughed. "Gee, thanks."

"But nothing with Brad Pitt. I don't want you getting any ideas," Sandy teased.

"Like I would," Kirsten said softly, bending down to kiss him again. Sandy's hand reached up to the back of her head and he ran it over her neck underneath her hair, causing her spine to tingle.

"Urgh, would you guys cut it out?" Seth's voice interrupted them.

Kirsten pulled away but Sandy didn't move from lying across the sofa.

"Ready to go?" Kirsten asked enthusiastically. She had always loved going to dances when she was younger.

Seth rolled his eyes and grunted, while Ryan offered a half-hearted nod. Kirsten shook her head at their lack of enthusiasm.

"We'll be home by twelve," Ryan promised.

"Hold on, guys, I want to get some pictures before you go," Sandy said, finally getting up from the sofa to find the camera.

"Oh, dad, do we have to?" Seth moaned.

"Yes. You guys look great. Very cute," Kirsten said.

They both looked disgusted at Kirsten's comment. Sandy returned with a camera and the boys unwillingly posed as Sandy took their photograph. As soon as he was done, they rushed out of the door.

"Behave yourselves," Sandy called after them.

"You too," Seth yelled back.

"I'll try," Sandy murmured, as he wrapped his arm around Kirsten's waist and buried his head into her hair.

Kirsten spun around in his arms and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"What happened to going to the movies?" she asked.

"Well, it seems such a waste not to make the most of having the house to ourselves," Sandy said, pulling her closer and leaving a kiss on her lips.

"I thought you wanted to get out of the house?" Kirsten asked, amused at Sandy's sudden change of heart.

"Did I say that? What I meant was I didn't want to sit around in the family room all evening. Now, the bedroom…"

Kirsten tilted her head and pouted. Sandy sighed. "You want to go out, don't you?"

Kirsten nodded apologetically. "And we're leaving our cell phones at home. I want to be unreachable for a couple of hours."

"I'll get my jacket," Sandy said, untangling himself from her arms.

As he disappeared to their bedroom, the doorbell rang. Kirsten sighed. One night of peace was all she wanted. She answered the door to find her father.

"Dad. Sandy didn't tell me you were coming over," Kirsten said, surprised to see him.

Caleb walked in. "He said he had something that could save my hide. Clearly he didn't share it with you."

_'No, he didn't,'_ Kirsten sighed inwardly. As much as she understood why Sandy couldn't tell her, she hated being kept in the dark.

"No, he actually respects things like attorney-client privilege," she said aloud.

"I said call me, not come over," Sandy said, appearing from the bedroom.

"I was in the neighbourhood," Caleb offered, clearly not bothered by the inconvenience he was causing.

Sandy shot Kirsten an apologetic look and led Caleb out to the back yard. Kirsten sighed. She wasn't sure how much more of this she could take.


	6. The Chrismukkah That Almost Wasn't

**Thank you to Sheryl, beachtree, ally, Lauren, Jen, Obscure Virgin, Sunny, Kylie and Pumpkin Muffin for all your reviews! They make my inbox very happy. **

**I love Chrismukkah! Kelly Rowan is awesome, she did such a great job in this episode. I hope you like this chapter, it's a little longer than the others because I had some ideas that I just wanted to roll with. It turned out to be fairly Kirsten-centred, but there's still plenty of Kandy in there. Enjoy!**

**The Chrismukkah That Almost Wasn't**

Ryan tapped gently on the closet door.

"Go away," Kirsten's harsh voice returned.

Undeterred, he continued, "It's Ryan."

Kirsten's tone softened. "I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now."

"Alright. I know, uh, I was hoping we could talk about Lindsey."

There was a pause before Kirsten spoke. "Is she ok?"

"No. Well not right now," Ryan answered. "But I guess it depends."

Kirsten sighed. "Depends on what?"

"On whether or not she figures out that she's part of a family that's pretty good at letting in new members," Ryan said slowly. He waited; he could hear rustling behind the door.

Finally Kirsten opened the door. Her face was red from crying. "Good line."

"Thanks."

"Just don't tell Sandy I came out for you, ok?" Kirsten asked him.

Ryan glanced sideways, looking uncomfortable. Kirsten followed his eyes and found Sandy stood watching and listening to the scene in front of him.

"Yeah, 'cause he wouldn't want to hear that," he said, softly. The truth was, he was glad that Ryan had been able to talk Kirsten out of the closet; he would have been grateful to anyone who could have done that.

"You wanna meet your sister?" Sandy asked Kirsten.

"I don't know if I'm ready to start referring to her as that," Kirsten said, "but Lindsey seems like a really great girl."

Her face crumpled as she tried to stop the tears from falling again.

"She is," Ryan said softly.

Kirsten smiled sadly and looked up at her husband again. She was still mad at him for keeping this from her, but right now she needed his comfort more.

Sandy took a tentative step forward. Kirsten moved towards her husband and fell into his open arms. She buried her head in his shirt as he wrapped his arms around her. She could feel the tears starting to well up again and she began to sob into his shirt.

Downstairs the telephone started to ring and Ryan slipped away, with a silent nod of thanks from Sandy. Sandy kept hold of Kirsten, rubbing his hands over her back as she shook against him.

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you," he whispered into her ear. He felt her nod against his shoulder. Sandy didn't move until he felt her calm down.

"It's going to be ok," Sandy reassured her.

"How is it going to be ok? I hate him," Kirsten said, sighing heavily. "I just keep thinking about my Mom. He always said that he loved her more than anything else in the world and I believed him. _She _believed him. But he lied, and he cheated. Do you think she knew? Do you think she had any idea what he'd done?"

Kirsten looked up at Sandy, her eyes pleading for an answer.

"Oh, honey, I don't know," Sandy sighed.

"Promise me, you'll never lie to me? No secrets. Whatever it is, I'd rather know," Kirsten begged.

"Kirsten…"

"Promise me," Kirsten interrupted firmly.

Sandy sighed. "I promise."

He cupped her face and gently placed a kiss on her forehead, before pulling back and looking her in the eyes. "But there's never going to be anything to know. Because there's never going to be any secrets. Ok?"

"Ok."

Sandy pulled her into his body again, enveloping her in a hug. "I love you," he said, placing a kiss on her head.

A knock on the door interrupted them. They turned together, Sandy keeping his arms wrapped tightly around Kirsten so that she stayed against his chest. Ryan's head appeared around the door.

"Hey. Sorry. That was Summer. They're waiting for us at Lindsey's house…if you want?" Ryan said.

Sandy looked at Kirsten, who took a deep breath and nodded.

"Ok."

>>>>>

It wasn't hard to find Lindsey's house – it stood out from all the houses around it. Summer and Marissa had already strung up lights over the front of the house; a decorated Christmas tree stood in the middle of the front garden; giant candy canes greeted them at the path; a sledge was propped up on the roof; and the girls were in the process of blowing up a large snowman.

"Oh my God," Sandy chuckled. It was quite a spectacle. They could see eyes peeking out from behind the curtains of the houses across the street.

"Wow, girls, it looks…great!" Kirsten tried to sound enthusiastic.

"It was Summer's idea," Marissa said.

Kirsten smiled fondly at Summer, who shrugged shyly. "I thought a little Chrismukkah cheer might help."

"You know what else might help? Eggnog. I think I'm going to go make some," Marissa suddenly announced, disappearing inside the house.

"Well, I definitely feel like I'm vibrating at a higher frequency than I was," Kirsten said, winking at Summer.

Summer laughed. "Totally!"

"Vibrating at a higher frequency?" Sandy questioned.

Kirsten and Summer shared a knowing look and laughed, while Sandy shrugged helplessly.

The front door opened and Renee appeared, looking apprehensively towards Kirsten. Sandy noticed that Kirsten had tensed up, her lips pursed. She took a sharp intake of breath as Renee approached them.

"Thanks for coming," Renee said nervously. "I know it'll mean a lot to Lindsey."

Kirsten nodded.

_'Lindsey; this was all about Lindsey,'_ Kirsten reminded herself. She didn't really know what to think about Renee. The woman had had an affair with her father, knowing he was married. She'd had his child and they had kept her a secret for sixteen years. Most of Kirsten's anger was directed towards her Caleb, but there was a part of her that felt contempt for this woman.

"I'm sorry," Renee offered, trying to ease the tension.

Kirsten simply nodded her head again.

"Uh, they're coming," Ryan suddenly announced.

Kirsten immediately looked for Sandy, who appeared next to her. She inhaled deeply, suddenly scared. She tried to shake off her nerves, realising that Lindsey would be feeling just as bad as she was. They stood, waiting in the middle of the garden. Renee was slightly behind them, while Ryan and Summer retreated backwards to the porch.

Lindsey and Seth walked up to the house and Kirsten was pleased to see them talking, apparently at ease with each other. As they reached the house, someone turned the lights on. The house was lit up brightly. Lindsey stopped at the end of the path, her eyes sweeping over the house and decorations, before finally resting on Kirsten.

Kirsten paused, turning towards Sandy. She felt his hand run over her back, giving her encouragement, and slowly she walked forwards.

"Hi," she said softly. "I'm Kirsten."

"Hi," Lindsey's high-pitched voice replied, tears threatening to fall again.

Seth walked passed them and Kirsten looked towards her son, smiling gratefully at him. She looked back towards Lindsey, who was looking slightly over-awed by everything.

"Welcome," Kirsten offered helplessly.

Lindsey let out a small laugh at how crazy it all seemed. Kirsten took a step forwards and gathered Lindsey in her arms, hugging her tightly. Lindsey accepted the embrace.

"This is really weird," she laughed.

"Oh, it's our family," Kirsten said. She held her tightly for a few moments, before letting her go. As they walked up to the house together, she wrapped an arm around Lindsey's shoulders. With her other hand, Kirsten grabbed Sandy's hand as they passed him.

Kirsten watched as Lindsey sat down next to Ryan on the step. Sandy slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her towards him, kissing her temple.

"Are you ok?" he asked quietly. He had watched her with Lindsey; seen her accept that Lindsey was her sister. He knew it hadn't been an easy thing for Kirsten to do – she had loved her mother so much and, to Kirsten, Lindsey was the evidence that things hadn't been as perfect as she had always thought. But he had watched her put those feelings aside to make Lindsey feel better, and his heart reached out to her. He hated to see her upset and crying; he hated that he couldn't protect her from this.

Kirsten nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

Summer and Marissa appeared, offering yamaclauses and eggnog.

"Oh wow, what are these?" Kirsten asked, taking the little hats from Summer and twisting them around in her hands.

"Yamaclauses. Lindsey made them," Summer answered.

"Holy Moses, they're beautiful," Sandy enthused, taking two cups of eggnog from Marissa's tray.

Kirsten laughed, attaching one to his head before putting the second on herself.

"Alright, who's ready to hear the Chrismukkah hymn," Seth suddenly announced, standing up on one of the steps. "It's penned to Death Cab's, _A Lack of Colour_."

Summer laughed. "What, no-one knows what that song is, Cohen."

"Sethela carrying a tune, now that would be a Chrismukkah miracle," Sandy joked.

"Fine, I'll do it in my own tune," Seth said, unperturbed by their teasing.

Sandy held up his cup of eggnog and everyone copied, toasting to a happy Chrismukkah.

"Come on, sing sing sing sing," Sandy encouraged.

"Alright," Seth said. "_Moses and Jesus…"_

"Yeah!" Sandy cheered.

"_…they both have beards…"_

Kirsten shook her head and laughed. Seth carried on singing, in his own little world, while Kirsten walked over to Lindsey and Ryan, sitting on the step next to them.

"I hope you know what you've let yourself in for," Kirsten said to Lindsey.

"He clearly doesn't get his singing voice from Sandy," Ryan laughed.

"Hey!" Kirsten cried indignantly, before pausing, shrugging her shoulders and nodding in agreement.

"Thank you…for all this," Lindsey said. "For coming."

Kirsten nodded. "Maybe, after the holidays, you and me can…I don't know, grab a coffee? Talk?" she asked cautiously.

"Yeah, I'd like that," Lindsey smiled.

Over Lindsey's shoulder, Kirsten saw Ryan smile. From above them, Seth's singing had finally finished and he was graciously taking his bow.

"Ok, now for the big finale," Marissa announced, her voice full of excitement.

"There's more?" Lindsey asked.

Summer and Marissa disappeared around the side of the house, giggling.

"One…two…three!"

Suddenly the air was full of white flakes as fake snow started to shoot out over them.

"Come on!" Summer cried, as she and Marissa ran under the snow.

Seth followed, while Ryan pulled Lindsey up from the steps and dragged her behind him. They were all laughing and Sandy revelled in the sound. Maybe this Chrismukkah wasn't completely ruined. He looked over at Kirsten, who was still sat on the steps, smiling at the kids running and twirling around in the snow. He sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her. Kirsten rested her head on his shoulder.

"Happy Chrismukkah," Sandy said softly.

Kirsten raised her head and smiled. "Happy Chrismukkah."

Sandy looked upwards and Kirsten followed his eyes, noticing the mistletoe that hung over them. They both looked towards the kids, who were too preoccupied with the snow to notice them, before turning back towards each other. They leant into each other and kissed. Sandy wrapped both his arms around her, holding her tightly.

They only broke apart when a soft snowball suddenly hit them.

"Hey!" Kirsten cried.

"Cut it out, guys," Seth complained, looking disgusted at his parent's very public display of affection.

Summer thumped him across his chest. "Get over it, Cohen. It's cute."

Seth rolled his eyes and turned towards Lindsey. "I hope you know what you've let yourself in for."

Ryan used to opportunity to creep up behind Seth and cover him with snow. Seth forgot about his parents and declared war on Ryan, chasing him around the garden. Sandy shook his head in amusement and pulled Kirsten close to him again.

"You know, I think Chrismukkah is my favourite holiday," Sandy suddenly declared.

Kirsten grunted, clearly not agreeing with him.

"Really," Sandy argued. "Something crazy always happens at Chrismukkah, it's a Cohen tradition."

He couldn't see Kirsten roll her eyes. This year had gone past crazy and into the realms of heartbreakingly traumatic.

"Do you remember the first Chrismukkah we spent here?" Sandy continued. "Seth was obsessed with playing with Captain Oats underneath the tree because he said it was like being in a forest. He knew he wasn't allowed to so whenever he heard us coming, he'd hide behind it until we'd gone; only one time he got stuck and knocked the entire tree over and it fell into the fire. The neighbours really knew we'd arrived when there were fire trucks outside!"

Kirsten smiled. "I remember. Seth spent the next six months wanting to be a fireman."

"And there was the year that we bought Seth a kitten…"

"Oh, don't," Kirsten interrupted, trying to stop him finishing the story.

"…and you ran the poor thing over the next day."

"I didn't see it! How was I supposed to know it was sleeping under the wheel? It wasn't even supposed to be out of the house," Kirsten defended.

Sandy laughed and Kirsten punched him lightly on his arm.

"I didn't think Seth was ever going to forgive me," Kirsten said ruefully.

"But he did. See, crazy things always happen at Chrismukkah, but we get through it; we'll get through this. It will be ok," Sandy promised.

Kirsten nodded, still unconvinced. They sat quietly for a while and Kirsten rested her head on his shoulder again, closing her eyes as she listened to the happy screams coming from the front garden.

"Sandy?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Can we go home?"

"Sure."

They got up and paused, both wondering how they were going to make it to the car without being caught in the crossfire. Sandy was the first one brave enough to move forwards.

"Seth? Ryan?"

Everyone ignored him, snowballs flying at each other and screams filling the air.

"Boys?"

They carried on playing in the snow, deaf to Sandy's calls.

"HEY!"

All five suddenly stopped and turned to look at Sandy, snowballs poised in their hands.

"I'm taking your mother home, can you boys get home ok?"

Seth looked towards Ryan, who nodded his head so slightly that most people wouldn't have noticed. Seth did; and so did Kirsten.

"Uh, sure, dad," Seth answered innocently.

"I'll drive them home, Mr Cohen," Summer offered, trying not to laugh as she caught Seth's eye.

Summer, in turn, looked towards Marissa; Ryan and Lindsey shared a smile.

From a distance, Kirsten grinned as she saw what they were plotting. She took a step backwards up the step for protection.

Sandy turned around to reach for his wife, blissfully unaware of what was about to happen. Within moments, following a shout of "Now!" from Seth, Sandy was bombarded with snowballs, one after the other. He lifted his arms to cover his head, doubling over to protect himself from the flying snowballs. He ran up to the porch, grabbing Kirsten and putting her in front of him.

"Hey!" Kirsten cried. She struggled from his grip, giggling, but he was too strong for her. She looked towards Seth and Ryan, who were looking mischievously towards her.

"Don't even think about it," she warned.

Seth tilted his head in contemplation, before looking towards Ryan and shaking his head. "Dude, it's not worth it. I've seen the damage she can do."

Kirsten felt a pang of guilt wash over her as she heard Seth's words. She had lost it with her father earlier, going so far as to throw a vase at his head, unaware that Seth was watching until it was too late. She faked a smile and started to walk down the steps, pulling Sandy with her. He cowered behind her, still wary of the snowballs that the boys held in their hands.

"Goodnight boys. Don't be home too late, ok?" Kirsten said. "Goodnight girls."

They all replied with goodbyes except Lindsey, who stood shyly in the background. Kirsten offered her a friendly smile and was pleased when it was returned. There was plenty of time to fix the pain her father had inflicted on that girl…her sister.

_Sister. _

Kirsten suddenly remembered Hailey.

That was going to be an interesting conversation.

>>>>>

Kirsten woke up late the next morning to find herself alone in bed. She frowned; Sandy never went surfing the day after Chrismukkah. Rubbing her eyes, she glanced over at the clock. It read 10.17am. She sat up and raised her arms above her head, stretching out her body. She swung her legs out of bed and hoisted herself up onto her feet, grabbing her robe and making her way downstairs. As she wandered through the house she heard three familiar voices.

She reached the doorway to the kitchen and stood unnoticed, watching her family. Sandy was occupied schmearing bagels; Ryan was cooking eggs; and Seth was sat at the table surrounded by wrapping paper and ribbons, adding the finishing touches to the presents he was wrapping. Seth was the first to notice her.

"Mom! Happy Chrismukkah!" Seth said.

Sandy and Ryan both looked up from what they were doing.

"Hey!"

"Morning!"

Kirsten eyed them suspiciously, wary of their enthusiasm.

"What's going on?"

Seth got up from the table and walked towards his mom. "Well, since Chrismukkah didn't exactly turn out the way we planned…"

Kirsten rolled her eyes. _That was the understatement of the century._

"…we have declared today the Official Post-Chrismukkah Pick-Me-Up."

"The what?"

"The Official Post-Chrismukkah Pick-Me-Up," Seth repeated. "Here, sit down."

Seth pushed his mother towards one of the stools at the island and Kirsten obediently sat down.

"We've got the whole day planned," Seth continued. "First, breakfast. Then Dad's going to take you to the video store and you can choose any film you want. Anything your heart desires and we promise to watch it."

Sandy coughed and Seth rolled his eyes.

"And I promise that I won't complain or making sarcastic comments through it," Seth recited.

Kirsten raised her eyebrows. It took enough cajoling to get Seth to accept Sandy's choice of film, but he never let Kirsten choose. Seth nodded, understanding her surprise and feeling proud at his personal growth.

"Coffee?" Sandy asked, putting a mug down in front of her.

Kirsten looked up at him and their eyes met. He silently asked her if she was ok with their plans and she nodded her agreement. Seth moved from her side and returned a moment later with the presents in his hands. One was a large box and the other was small and round. He put them down on the island.

"What are these?" Kirsten asked.

"Presents," Seth announced. "Jesus and Moses dropped them off for you this morning, special delivery. You have to open them now."

The three men smiled as they saw excitement spread across Kirsten's face. She was like a child when it came to Chrismukkah and birthdays.

"Which one do I open first?"

"The big one," Seth said, pushing it towards her, eager for her to open it.

Kirsten tore the wrapping off as quickly as possible and opened the box. She smiled when she saw what was inside. It was a small crystal vase. She pulled it out of its box and saw that it had shades of blue and purple running through it.

"Oh, guys, it's beautiful," Kirsten gushed.

"Well, lets hope it meets a kinder fate than the last one," Seth joked.

Sandy frowned at Seth and silence fell for a moment until Ryan spoke.

"Open the small one."

Kirsten looked up at him and smiled gratefully, reaching for the second present. She stripped it of the shiny paper and found a stress ball inside. Kirsten laughed, squeezing it tightly between her fingers.

"We figured you could use something to take your stress out on," Ryan said softly.

"And, you know, creative visualisation is a wonderful coping mechanism," Sandy offered.

Kirsten laughed again and nodded. It was definitely going to be useful.

"Thanks guys," she said softly.

Sandy, Seth and Ryan all looked pleased with themselves.

"So, Chef Ryan, how long until breakfast? I'm starving," Seth said, wandering over to the stove and picking up a spatula.

"Hey, don't even think about touching anything," Ryan scolded.

Kirsten shook her head, amused, as she listened to the two boys squabble. Sandy moved closer and planted a kiss on her head.

"How are you feeling today?" he asked.

Kirsten shrugged, struggling to find the words and Sandy didn't push her any further. When breakfast was eventually ready they ate together, the air filled with Seth's ramblings. Kirsten was quiet, occasionally joining in with the conversation but choosing to stay silent when possible, and they accepted it without question. Sandy could see her mind working as she processed everything that had happened. She made her excuses when they had finished eating and retreated back to the bedroom.

Sandy found her sat on the edge of the bed, tears running down her cheeks. In her hands was a picture of her parents. Sandy sat down next to her. Kirsten wiped away the tears from her cheeks and spoke between her sobs.

"Why did he do it? I don't understand. Weren't we enough for him?"

"Oh, Kirsten, honey. It had nothing to do with you or Hailey or even your mom. It was all about Caleb."

Sandy struggled to hold his tongue. He had never been a fan of Caleb's and seeing what he had done to his wife made his hatred even stronger. Sandy wrapped his arms around her. Her body shook against his.

"I don't understand," Kirsten said again.

"Me neither, baby, me neither," Sandy soothed. He held her until she stopped crying.

"I'm sorry," Kirsten apologised.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Sandy said. "If you don't feel up to today, I can tell the boys…"

"No," Kirsten interrupted. "I think spending the day, just the four of us, is exactly what I need."

"Are you sure?" Sandy asked.

Kirsten nodded. "Yeah."

Sandy cupped her face and kissed her forehead. Kirsten lifted her face and found his lips with her own.

"I love you," Kirsten said.

"I love you too," Sandy grinned. He kissed her again, gently. "Why don't you have a shower and get dressed. I'll wait for you downstairs."

Kirsten nodded. She looked down again at the photograph she held, before putting it upside down on the bed. She resolved not to think about what her father had done for the rest of the day and just enjoy being with her family. She showered and dressed quickly. On her way downstairs, she took a detour via Seth's bedroom. She found him sprawled across his bed reading a comic book.

"Hey, can I come in?" she asked.

"Sure," Seth said, sitting up.

Kirsten sat next to him. "I'm sorry about yesterday…if I scared you. I kinda lost my head for a while."

"It's ok," Seth placated.

Kirsten shook her head. "No, it's not. I wish you hadn't seen that."

"Seen what?" Seth feigned innocence.

Kirsten smiled and reached her hand up to smooth down his hair. Seth immediately ruffled it again.

"Are you really ok, mom?" Seth asked. Kirsten could hear the worry etched in his voice.

"Yeah. Or, I will be," she answered.

Seth impulsively hugged her and Kirsten wrapped her arms around her son. "Thanks," she whispered.

Kirsten left Seth's room, feeling slightly better. She made her way downstairs and was greeted by Sandy.

"I was thinking of sending out a search party for you," he joked. "How are you doing?"

"Better," Kirsten answered.

"Good," Sandy said, kissing her forehead lightly. "Ready to go?"

Kirsten looked through to the kitchen and saw Ryan still tidying up the mess from breakfast. "I'll meet you out by the car."

Sandy nodded and watched her walk through to the kitchen, before obediently going out to the car.

Ryan looked up when he heard Kirsten come into the kitchen and he smiled one of his rare smiles. "Heading out?"

"Yeah," Kirsten nodded. She paused, searching for the words. "I just wanted to say thanks. For yesterday, talking me out the closet. I was a bit of mess."

Ryan shrugged. "I didn't do anything."

"You did. You, uh…you did," Kirsten said simply.

She turned to leave.

"For what it's worth? I think Lindsey's lucky to have you in her life," Ryan's words stopped her.

Kirsten turned back towards him and Ryan saw tears glistening in her eyes. "For what it's worth, I think Lindsey's lucky to have you as a friend," Kirsten offered back.

Ryan smiled bashfully. Kirsten walked over to him and hugged him briefly, and she was pleased when she felt him reciprocate. She left him and walked out to the car. Sandy opened her door as she approached him.

"Your carriage, my lady," he offered.

Kirsten paused before she got in. "Sandy? Do you think, maybe tomorrow, we could go to cemetery and see my mom?"

"Yeah. We can do whatever you want to do," Sandy said.

Kirsten wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him squarely on the lips. "Thank you."

"For what?" Sandy asked, grinning.

"For everything; for being here. I don't think I would know what to do if I didn't have you."

"Well that's something you're _never_ going to have to worry about," Sandy said, leaving a kiss on her smiling cheek.

Kirsten turned and started to get in the car, while Sandy walked around to his side.

"So, any ideas what movie you want to watch?"

"I don't know. Something funny."

"Don't rush into any decisions. The selection of a movie is something of an art…"

>>>>>

**No kittens were hurt in the writing of this chapter.**


	7. The Family Ties

**Thanks for all the reviews – Jen, Sheryl, Sunny, Pumpkin Muffin, Cynthia, Lu78, beachtree, Kylie, Lauren, ally, storymom, FriendsHolic, softthorns and Panz.**

**Jen – The Power of Love is coming next week! I'm writing these in order as they're shown over in the UK.**

**This one has a lot of dialogue, so I'm not sure how well it flows, but it felt like there was a lot for them to talk about at this point. I hope you like it.**

**The Family Ties**

Sandy was exhausted. He came downstairs from grounding Seth to find the house almost empty of guests. The last few stragglers were waiting patiently for their cars to be returned to them and Sandy was grateful that of all the cars that Seth had decided to steal, it had been Caleb's. Despite his anger, Sandy had found it hard not to laugh at Caleb's expression when Seth returned with his precious Aston Martin.

He wandered through the house and saw Kirsten leaning against the bar nursing a glass of merlot. She turned as he approached, sensing him, almost like a sixth sense.

"Hey," she greeted him, subdued.

"Hey," Sandy responded.

Kirsten instinctively leaned into him as he kissed her temple and ran his hand over her back.

"Has Jimmy gone?" Sandy asked.

Kirsten answered with nod. "Where's Seth?"

"In his bedroom, where he'll be for the next two weeks," Sandy said, leaning against the bar next to her.

"What's going on with him?" Kirsten asked, concerned.

Sandy shrugged. "He's a teenager."

Kirsten smiled, and then frowned. "Should we be worried about his new girlfriend?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure if he's acting this way because she wants him to, or because _he thinks_ she wants him to," Sandy answered. "We'll talk to him tomorrow."

He felt her sigh next to him and he watched her as she swilled her wine around in its glass.

"Are you ok?" he asked gently.

"Yeah. It's just been a long day, you know," Kirsten answered.

"Are you upset about Jimmy leaving?"

Kirsten looked warily at him, expecting him to be upset by her obvious sadness. Instead she was met with his concerned eyes.

"It just feels strange, I guess," she answered truthfully. "I mean, I've known him for over half my life, he's always been here. And now he's not."

"Well, you've still got Julie; and the Newpsies."

Kirsten rolled her eyes at him. "Are you trying to make me feel better or worse?"

Sandy chuckled.

"I don't know. Jimmy's probably the only real friend I have; the only person I can talk to except you," Kirsten said.

"You've still got me!" Sandy grinned.

"But who am I supposed to talk to _about_ you?" Kirsten laughed.

Sandy pouted playfully and Kirsten reached her hand up to stroke his cheek to appease him. Sandy rubbed his hand across her shoulders.

"I'm going to miss him too," Sandy said, echoing Kirsten's thoughts. Jimmy was one of the few friends that Sandy had in Newport too. He found so many of the people in this town shallow and self-absorbed.

"At least I don't have to worry about him hitting on my wife any more," Sandy teased.

"Sandy!" Kirsten scolded, trying to suppress a smile.

Sandy laughed at his own joke and planted a kiss on Kirsten's cheek. Pleased that he could make her smile, he finally couldn't hold back the niggling question that had been bugging him.

"So…how come you weren't surprised by Jimmy's confession?"

He eyed her playfully and Kirsten couldn't help but laugh. "Julie's been acting weird for weeks. And I think they were making out in the kitchen at Chrismukkah."

Sandy raised his eyebrows. "You think?"

"Well, they made their excuses and disappeared," Kirsten giggled. "It's not something I wanted to think about!"

"Well, she finally did it. Julie managed to run him out of town," Sandy said bitterly.

"I don't know, Sandy. I saw her crying earlier, she was really upset," Kirsten defended.

"Julie Cooper-Nichol crying actual tears?" Sandy teased and Kirsten shot him reproaching look.

"She wasn't the only one who was upset," Kirsten commented.

"Marissa put on quite a show, didn't she?" Sandy said. "Poor kid."

"Jimmy asked me to keep an eye on her. Go round the house and check on her once in a while," Kirsten said.

"Your dad's house?" Sandy asked.

Kirsten nodded solemnly.

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him I would. How could I refuse?" Kirsten questioned.

"Did you speak to your dad tonight?" Sandy asked cautiously.

Kirsten shook her head. "I can't. Every time I see him I get so angry."

"You're going to have to talk to him eventually," Sandy said gently.

Kirsten glared at him. "And talk about what? The affair he had when he was married to my mom? Or the illegitimate child he kept secret for sixteen years?"

"Both," Sandy answered simply. "If you want answers, you're gonna have to ask him the questions."

Kirsten sighed.

"Oh, honey, I know you're mad at him. You have every right to be. But keeping all this bottled up isn't doing you any good," Sandy said.

Kirsten nodded. "I know. I know you're right," she sighed. "I guess I can't ignore him forever."

"Trust me, honey, I've been trying that for years and it hasn't worked yet," Sandy joked.

Kirsten laughed, wondering what kind of emotional wreck she would be without her husband.

"So I saw Lindsey here," Sandy said, changing the subject. "How's that going?"

"Good, I think. She's a great girl, so smart," Kirsten gushed. "I think we're becoming friends. Things are still a bit awkward, and we're not close to being sisters yet…"

"But friends is a good start," Sandy continued where Kirsten trailed off.

Kirsten nodded before covering her mouth with her hand to hide a yawn.

"Why don't you go to bed, I'll finish up down here," Sandy offered.

"No, it's ok," Kirsten refused.

"Go," Sandy ordered.

Kirsten smiled gratefully. "You won't be long?"

Sandy shook his head. Kirsten leant over and kissed him.

"Thanks."

"I love you," Sandy said.

"I love you," Kirsten repeated.

Sandy watched her as she walked down the corridor, making a note to hide all their breakable objects when she finally spoke to Caleb.


	8. The Power of Love

**Disclaimer: The lyrics belong to Lyle Lovett. And unfortunately The OC still doesn't belong to me.**

**Thank you to itsallOC, ally, Jen, Jo, Sheryl, Sunny, Cynthia, Lauren, Michelle, Pumpkin Muffin, Panz and Natalie for your reviews. They are very much appreciated.**

**There's a lot of Kandy angst out there at the moment (yeah, I'm looking at you!) so you're just going to have to put up with an overdose of fluff from me! I hope you like it, it's another long one. **

**The Power of Love**

_And I can't remember  
__How I met her  
__Seems like she's always just been hanging here off my right arm_

Twenty years. Twenty years he had been married to her. He felt like she had been in his life forever.

_And I can't remember  
__How I ever  
__Thought that I just couldn't live without a woman's charm_

He couldn't remember a time when she hadn't been there; he didn't want to imagine a time when she might not be.

_She loves to lie beside me  
__Almost every night  
__She's no lady she's my wife_

Her eyes burned him as she watched him up on the stage. Their eyes connected and he couldn't see anyone else but her.

_She's no lady she's my wife_

The song ended and Sandy graciously took his bow as his audience clapped. Seth, Ryan and the rest of the crowd cheered in appreciation, as Kirsten stood quietly in their shadows. Waiting. She wasn't one for public displays – like Sandy was – but she was restraining herself from jumping onto the stage to be with her husband.

She didn't have to wait very long, as Sandy leapt of the stage towards her. He fought through the handshakes and the claps on his back to reach his wife. He grinned and held out his hand to her. She took it and he pulled her close.

"Happy Anniversary."

Sandy bent down and kissed her. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly against his body. Kirsten could feel Seth's disgust from behind them but for once she didn't care. Wolf whistles blew out towards them and it was a cry of _"get a room!"_ that eventually broke them apart.

The band started to play again and Sandy pulled Kirsten onto the dance floor. She laughed and fell into his arms as the music played. Their eyes remained firmly fixed on each other for a moment. Sandy kissed her forehead and Kirsten closed her eyes at his touch.

"I love you, Mrs Cohen," Sandy whispered.

Kirsten smiled up at him. "I love you too," she replied.

Sandy kissed her nose and then her lips, before pulling her close. Kirsten nuzzled her head into his neck and they swayed gently to the music. Sandy's hand was firmly pressed against the small of her back; the other was holding hers against his heart.

Kirsten closed her eyes, blocking out everything around her except Sandy. This was where she belonged: in his arms. She had always said so. Growing up in Newport, she had never felt like she belonged, even with the millionaire father, the McMansion on top of the hill, the private education. It had never felt real to Kirsten Nichol. And then she had become Mrs Kirsten Cohen and she had found her place in the world. It was the place that brought her joy and happiness; the place that shared her laughter and tears; the only place that could ease her fears and comfort her.

They moved together to the music in perfect sync. Sandy's chest rumbled as he hummed along to the music and Kirsten smiled into his shirt, wishing she could freeze time for a while.

"Are you ok?" Sandy broke the silence.

"Uh-huh."

"Enjoying the party?" Sandy asked, his voice hopeful.

Kirsten smirked. What he really meant was _"Am I forgiven yet?"_ She toyed with the idea of making him suffer for a while, but any irritation she had previously felt had passed.

"Yeah, it's a good party," she conceded.

She didn't have to see his face to know that Sandy was pleased with himself. She paused, before continuing, "You still owe me a weekend at the Montage, you know that right?"

Sandy laughed. "I know."

The sound of glass smashing sounded from the bar and a cheer followed. Kirsten lifted her head to look towards where the noise came from and Sandy's eyes followed. They saw Alex reprimanding the barman, who stood sheepishly under her glare.

"Seth's new girlfriend is…" Kirsten trailed off, unsure of the words to use.

"…quite a character?" Sandy offered.

"Yeah. She seems nice, though," Kirsten appeased.

"We couldn't have done this without her," Sandy said, gesturing to the party.

"Oh, so she's one of your partners in crime, huh?" Kirsten teased.

Sandy shrugged playfully and his eyes wandered over to Ryan and Lindsey, who were stood closely together at the bar.

"You spoke to Ryan?" he asked.

"Yeah," Kirsten sighed.

Sandy looked down at her questioningly.

"It still feels weird," Kirsten answered his unspoken question. "I mean, Ryan is my son? And Lindsey is my sister? Only Ryan's not really my son and Lindsey really is my sister; but Ryan feels like family and Lindsey doesn't."

Kirsten sighed again, frustrated. Sandy ran his hand soothingly over her back.

"I think it's ok to find it strange; but I don't think it's ok to take it out on Ryan and Lindsey when it's your father's mess," Sandy spoke slowly, careful not to upset her.

Kirsten groaned. "I practically made Lindsey choose between me and Ryan."

She dropped her head against Sandy's shoulder.

"It's ok, she'll forgive you," he comforted.

"Will she?"

"She will if you apologise," Sandy said. Kirsten nodded, understanding his point.

Sandy brought his hands up to her face. "Are you tired? You look tired."

Kirsten frowned and shook her head. "No."

"Really? Are you sure?" Sandy probed.

"I'm sure," Kirsten answered, confused.

"Are you _really_ sure? Because, you know, if you were tired…we could _go home_."

Kirsten's lip curled upwards as she finally understood what he was implying.

"Oh. You know what, actually I do feel tired. My feet ache, and I think I can feel a headache coming on," Kirsten lied.

Sandy nodded, feigning concern. "We should get you home."

Kirsten laughed and nodded. They walked over to the bar, where Ryan and Seth were now stood talking. Kirsten paused on the way to talk to Lindsey.

"Hey," Lindsey greeted her shyly.

Kirsten smiled. "I'm glad you came," she said.

"Me too. And I am sorry," Lindsey said.

"I'm sorry too, about what I said this afternoon. I didn't mean it the way it came out," Kirsten apologised. "I guess I'm not doing very well at this. But I meant what I said – I'm glad you're my sister."

Kirsten reached out and pulled Lindsey into a hug.

"Are we still on for the big swap meet?" Kirsten asked.

Lindsey smiled. "Yeah, definitely."

"Good. I'll see you soon?" Kirsten said.

Lindsey nodded in response.

Kirsten left went to find her husband and sons. Sandy held out his arm as she approached them, wrapping it around her shoulders.

"Everything ok?" he asked.

Kirsten nodded happily.

"Ok, boys, we're going home," Sandy announced.

"So soon?" Ryan asked, surprised.

Sandy and Kirsten glanced at each other, amused.

"Yeah, I'm really tired," Kirsten lied again.

"It's been a crazy couple of days," Sandy said, hiding a smile when Seth and Ryan both looked guilty.

Kirsten took a step forwards and cupped her hands around Seth's face and kissed his cheek loudly. She heard him groan and smiled to herself.

"That's for sneaking out of the house."

She turned to Ryan, whose face dropped when he realised she was about to do the same to him. Kirsten was too quick for him and grabbed him, planting a wet kiss on his cheek too.

"That's for not telling me about Lindsey."

She laughed as they both stood with horrified faces at her public display of affection.

"Come on, let's go," Sandy said, pulling her away.

"I want you guys home by one," Kirsten ordered, waving her finger at them.

Sandy turned as they walked away and held out 50 dollars. "But not before twelve-thirty," he said.

Seth and Ryan grimaced again as they understood what he meant.

Hand-in-hand, Sandy and Kirsten walked towards the steps to take them out of the club. Kirsten paused as they passed Caleb and Julie standing to one side.

"Give me a second?" Kirsten said quietly to Sandy, never letting go of his hand.

He nodded.

Caleb looked surprised when Kirsten approached them.

"Kiki, Sandy. Congratulations," Caleb said nervously.

Julie and Sandy watched Kirsten with interest, waiting for her to speak.

"Thank you for coming," Kirsten eventually said. There was no warmth to her voice, but there was no bitterness either. She stared at his tie.

Caleb simply nodded.

"I'll see you at work on Monday?" Kirsten finally lifted her eyes to look at her father.

Caleb nodded again. "Yes."

Kirsten stared at her father, realising she was finally ready to hear the answers to the questions that had been filling her mind for so long. But not tonight. She refused to let anything ruin tonight. She smiled at Julie before turning back towards Sandy, who led her up the steps and outside.

"Let's take a walk down the beach before we go home," Sandy suggested, pulling Kirsten towards the sand.

She followed him, stopping at the top to take off her shoes. She rested her head against his shoulder as they walked, his arm wrapped around her. They walked in silence, both reminded of their first date. They had met at a party – the aftershow party of Sandy's last night in Berkeley's production of Grease. Kirsten's flatmate had been involved in the set design, and had persuaded an unenthusiastic Kirsten to come to the party with her. She had stood in the corner of the room, watching as people with fifties-style haircuts had buzzed around her.

Sandy had spotted her from across the room. There was something unassuming about her, as she stood away from the crowds. He had wondered where she had come from, not remembering her being part of the production. He watched her with interest as she constantly played with the straw that was in her drink. He watched her watching people, her face twitching every now and again as she tried to hide a smile. Her eyes had caught his and she looked away, embarrassed. He wandered over to her, motivated by the urge to find out more about her.

Kirsten saw him coming. The first thing she noticed were his bushy eyebrows; it was hard not to. They drew her to his eyes, which she found to be the biggest, bluest, most honest eyes she had ever seen. She found it easy to fall into conversation with him – he was smart and funny. Time had flown by and she had been disappointed when the party ended. She wanted to see him again, but couldn't find the words to ask him. She didn't have to; his thoughts were the same. They arranged a date, both nervous, both excited.

Sandy had been late picking her up and had apologised profusely. He had taken her to the fanciest restaurant he could find – he knew she came from Newport Beach and expected her to have high standards, even for a first date. His nervousness had been apparent though, as he sent a glass of water over the table within minutes of sitting down. His face had dropped as he had read the menu. He didn't recognise any of the ingredients in the meals and the prices were more than he had guessed.

Kirsten had watched him with amusement. She didn't know much about this boy, but she knew that this wasn't him. This was for her benefit, to impress her. She had ordered the cheque before they had even finished their appetisers, after watching Sandy push his food around his plate because he didn't know what he had ordered. Sandy had been embarrassed and rambled apology after apology as they walked down the street. Kirsten had laughed and told him to shut up, taking his hand and leading him towards the beach. They bought ice-creams and wandered down the beach. Kirsten found herself opening up to him, practically a stranger; but there was something about the way he looked at her, the way he saw through the perfectly applied makeup, the perfect hair and he saw _her_.

Sandy had been captivated by her. She was warm and friendly; a little uptight maybe, but as the evening passed by, she had relaxed. He listened to her laugh at his stories and he had known that night that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this girl, making her laugh.

They had shared their first kiss on that beach. Kirsten still described it as the most romantic kiss she had ever experienced – the moonlight shining on them, the sound of the ocean waves crashing behind them, the soft sand under their feet. He had been a gentleman, not like most of the guys she had met in college. His hands had held her firmly against him and she had run her hands through his messy hair, a habit that had stayed with them for the next twenty years.

Kirsten glanced over at her husband now and found him staring at her. She smiled as he stopped and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"What are you thinking about?" Sandy asked her softly.

"You," Kirsten answered. "What are you thinking about?"

Sandy grinned. "You."

He leant in and kissed her, his hands firm on her back, her hands running through his hair.

"I love you," Sandy said again.

"I love you," Kirsten replied.

Sandy's eyes twinkled with mischief. "How much?"

"What?"

"How much do you love me?" Sandy asked playfully.

"A lot!" Kirsten giggled.

"Yeah? Enough to take a midnight dip in the ocean with me?"

Sandy started to pull her towards the ocean. He saw her face glaze over in terror as she tried to pull back.

"Sandy!"

Sandy laughed and kept his tight grasp on her arm.

"Sandy, I mean it, stop! Sandy!"

"Come on, it'll be fun," Sandy teased.

Kirsten squealed as they got closer and closer to the water.

"Sandy!"

As the waves threatened to reach them, Sandy wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted Kirsten up off the sand, laughing as the waves hit his own feet. He ran up the beach, away from the water, and dropped her back onto land. Kirsten pummelled his arm, trying to suppress a giggle as she glared at him.

Sandy smiled and pulled Kirsten into an embrace. He rested his forehead against hers, before finding her lips. He kissed her deeply, his tongue exploring her mouth. Kirsten's hands ran up his arms and across his shoulders. She moaned softly, knowing how carried away she could become right now. Their lips parted and Sandy buried his head into her shoulder, tracing a line of kisses down her neck.

"I love you so much," Kirsten murmured as Sandy's lips continued to press against her skin. "I'm so glad I found you. I can't imagine not being married to you."

She ran her fingers though his hair and pulled his head up.

"You'll never find out," Sandy whispered.

Kirsten's eyes glistened as she felt herself starting to feel sentimental. Her lips attacked his and Kirsten lost herself in him. Sandy pulled her into a hug.

"Take me home," Kirsten purred into his ear.

Sandy grinned. "Whatever you say, Mrs Cohen."


	9. The ExFactor

**Thank you to Sunny, Mariana, ally, Sheryl, itsallOC, Michelle, Jen, Lauren, Natalie, Karen, beachtree and Panz for your awesome reviews – especially those that review every chapter. I'm really pleased you guys keep coming back to read more.**

**I had really bad writers block for this chapter, which is why it's taken so long to write. I've tried to make this chapter as fluffy as possible, as _that woman_ turns up next episode so there's not going to be much happy Kandy for a while. **

**The Ex-Factor**

Sandy was lounging in the family room by the time Kirsten got home. An old horror movie was playing on the television and he held a bottle of beer in his hand.

"Hey," Sandy greeted her.

"Hey," Kirsten said, cautiously sitting down next to him. She paused, trying to judge his mood. "If you're still angry, you have every right to be."

"Oh, well that's good to know," Sandy said, amused. "But here's the thing: I'm not angry at all."

Kirsten looked curiously at him.

"Ever since I left the law firm, your father's been grooming me to be his henchman," Sandy explained. "And I've been letting him. I think in some way, I've just been postponing the inevitable."

"And that is?" Kirsten questioned.

"Figuring out what to do next."

"Sandy, we can still make your housing idea work. I'm gonna go on record recommending the project," Kirsten promised.

"Oh, I appreciate that," Sandy said, running his hand over her leg. "But I'd rather you didn't. Julie's magazine is always gonna give me the heebie jeebies and business-wise, it's probably your best bet. Besides, if I work with you, your father will ambush us every time we try to have a date."

Kirsten smiled. "That was the worst date we've ever had, wasn't it?"

"A double date with your father and Julie Cooper. Sounds like the plot of this movie," Sandy said, looking towards the television screen.

Kirsten laughed and leant back against the sofa, resting her head on her hand. She watched him watching the television.

"I'm sorry we couldn't make your housing idea work," Kirsten apologised.

Sandy heard bitterness in her voice and he looked questioningly at her. Kirsten shrugged.

"Maybe I just wanted the Newport Group to do something good for a change," she said sadly. "Something worthwhile, you know?"

"I can think of lots of worthwhile things you can do," Sandy suggested playfully, leaning towards her and kissing her softly.

Kirsten smiled, reaching over to rake her fingers through his hair. "I guess there's only room for one crusader in this family, huh?"

"That's right," Sandy said, nodding his head resiliently. "I'm back on the path of self-righteousness, honey, and no-one can stop me!"

"So, what are you going to do next?" Kirsten asked.

Sandy leant back into the sofa, lifting Kirsten's legs as he did and placing them on his lap. Kirsten watched as he carefully took off her shoes. She smiled, moaning softly as he started to rub her feet.

"Well, first I think I need to find an office. I can't keep working from home. I have the Newport Housing Initiative work, and a couple of other potential clients. I've still got some contacts from the P.D.'s office. It might take a while to get off the ground," Sandy mused.

"Well, I'll help you any way I can," Kirsten offered. "If you want help finding an office? Hey, and you know, you've already got the perfect picture to hang up because we've still got that giant picture of Julie!"

Kirsten giggled as Sandy shot her a terrified look.

"Don't even joke about it, honey," Sandy said.

"A magazine _about_ Julie Cooper _for_ Julie Cooper," Kirsten continued. "Her face is going to be everywhere – shops, newspaper stands, probably even billboards knowing Julie."

"Ok! Enough!" Sandy cried. "What are we thinking, letting Julie do this magazine?"

Kirsten shook her head in amusement. "I don't know. She's planning on selling Newport as an 'aspirational brand'."

Sandy frowned. "Aspirational? Is that a real word?"

Kirsten laughed. "I don't think so."

She paused and suddenly took her feet away from Sandy's grasp, bending her left knee and moving her leg around him, nudging her toes between his back and sofa. Sandy looked inquisitively towards her, his eyebrows raised. Kirsten's eyes danced.

"I think I owe you a massage after tonight," she said.

"You know, I think you do," Sandy teased, twisting around so that his back faced her.

Kirsten ran her hands up his back and started to massage his shoulders, pushing her thumbs down into his skin.

"You're tense," Kirsten said.

Sandy grunted.

Kirsten leant into him, nuzzling her nose into his hair and leaving a kiss on his neck.

Sandy grunted again, more softly this time, enjoying the warmth of her lips. He smiled. "Don't stop."

Kirsten laughed and continued to massage his neck and shoulders. They heard the sound of the front door and they both turned to see Seth and Ryan walking down the corridor looking gloomy.

"Good night, fellas?" Sandy asked.

Ryan sent him a look and even Seth only shrugged. Kirsten raised her eyebrows.

"Everything ok?" she asked.

"Girl trouble?" Sandy teased.

Seth faked laughter and Kirsten jabbed her finger in Sandy's back.

"Hey!"

Kirsten opened her mouth to ask again if everything was ok but paused, frowning and sniffing the air.

"Why can I smell the ocean?"

"Ryan decided to take a little swim," Seth said. Ryan redirected his trademark look towards Seth.

"In the middle of the night?" Sandy asked.

"Why?" Kirsten followed.

"It's, uh, a long story," Ryan said, not wanting to tell Kirsten that her sister had got drunk and was now passed out at home.

"Well, did you take a shower?" Kirsten asked, her motherly instinct kicking in.

Ryan looked incredulously at her. "I dried off and changed my clothes," he offered.

Kirsten rolled her eyes. "Go take a shower, now!" she ordered.

Ryan opened his mouth to protest but Kirsten shot him her own stubborn look. "Now."

Ryan sighed and headed out towards the poolhouse. Kirsten's eyes fell on Seth, who had made himself comfortable one of the chairs and was sat quietly watching the horror movie. Sandy looked over his shoulder at Kirsten, his eyes glinting with mischief and he tapped on his shoulder. Kirsten bit her lip to stop herself from laughing and started to rub Sandy's shoulders again.

"Hmm. Oh yeah, right there, honey. Oh, that's the spot."

Seth looked over at his parents and grimaced. "Eugh. You guys are so…eugh."

He stood up and scowled, before stalking back down the hallway.

"Goodnight, son," Sandy called after him.

Kirsten finally let out the laugh that she had been holding in, dropping her head against Sandy's back.

"Every time!" Sandy said proudly.

Kirsten let her hands fall from his shoulders and wrapped them around his stomach, resting her chin on his shoulder. She tugged at his earlobe with her teeth and kissed his neck lightly.

Sandy turned his head towards, his lips searching for hers. He found them and kissed her deeply, linking his fingers with hers.

"Next time we go on a date, can it be just the two of us? We haven't spent any time just the two of us for ages," she said.

"I like that idea," Sandy said, leaning towards her and rubbing his nose against hers.

A scream from the television made them both turn their heads.

Kirsten frowned. "What are we watching?"

"The House on Haunted Hill."

"Any good?"

"It's like a night in the Cooper-Nichol house," Sandy said.

"Scary then?" Kirsten laughed.

"You have no idea."

Both lacking the energy to move, Kirsten snuggled down into the sofa and Sandy's body fell against her chest. She kissed the top of his head. They fell silent as they watched the movie together.

"We're burning that picture tomorrow, by the way," Sandy spoke suddenly.

When he got no response, he lifted his head slightly to see Kirsten's eyes closed, sleeping peacefully. Sandy turned back to the movie, too content in her arms to move.

_What was it about watching movies that made her fall asleep?_


	10. The Accomplice

**Thank you to JenJenxx, itsallOC, Panz, Kylie, Sunny, Jen, Mariana, ally, Lauren, Cynthia, Natalie, Michelle, Kandy4eva and Cohen-girl for your reviews, they are appreciated as always.**

**I think I got the fluff out of my system with 'Afternoon Delight' and now I'm ready to tackle the angst. It doesn't come so easily, which is why it's taking longer to update. I hope it was worth the wait! I added the Kirsten/Seth scene at the end just because I really wanted to see something like this on the show.**

**The Accomplice**

Sandy sat dejectedly on the stool at the end of the bed.

Rebecca was dead.

He hadn't wanted to believe it; he refused to believe it until he had proof.

Only now he had proof. His friend, Mark, had called to tell him that Rebecca was really dead.

Sandy sighed, his head spinning. He had met Rebecca in the first couple of days at Berkeley and they had become friends quickly. They had so much in common – she was Jewish, political, passionate, intelligent. He had fallen in love with her and asked her to marry him; he had expected to spend the rest of his life with her. Until she had been involved with a fire at a nuclear lab site which had killed a custodian and she had disappeared. No goodbye. She had just gone.

Sandy had moved on and Rebecca had been safely in his past until Max had turned up. A memory; an old life. He couldn't remember the last time she had even passed through his thoughts. He had a new life now: Kirsten, Seth and Ryan. Sandy loved his family more than anything and he had no regrets about his life.

But he had always been haunted by the same question: what if she had never left?

He heard Kirsten come through the door and looked up at her.

"What are you gonna do?" Kirsten asked softly.

Sandy sighed. "Well, I gotta call the Professor but I…I can't tell him this on the phone."

"I'm sorry," Kirsten said, walking over and sitting next to him. "It was a long time ago. Maybe I need to let go of her too."

She rubbed his back and Sandy was comforted by her touch. He smiled sadly.

"I'm gonna go. I won't be long," Sandy said.

He stood up and grabbed his jacket, leaving Kirsten alone in their bedroom. She sat for a moment, her mind clouded with thoughts.

Rebecca Bloom.

Kirsten felt like she had been living in Rebecca's shadow since she first met Sandy. She remembered the whispers amongst his friends when he had first introduced her and how surprised they had been; she remembered the first time she had met the Nana and how she had always made her disapproval so apparent. They were so different, so incompatible in most people's eyes. Sandy had always reassured her, always told her she was the one and that they were meant to be. He took away her doubts.

But deep inside, Kirsten had always carried around the insecurity that one day he might wake up and realise they were living a fantasy. That it wasn't real.

A wave of guilt washed over her. Sandy was hurting and she was caught up in her own thoughts instead of comforting him. Kirsten sighed and got up from the seat, rushing out of the bedroom and down the hall.

"Sandy?"

Sandy's hand was on the door handle and he paused when he heard Kirsten's voice calling him. He turned back to her as she approached him.

Kirsten paused as she took in his sad expression and she tried to shake off her fears at how hard Rebecca's death had hit her husband.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Kirsten asked.

Sandy looked surprised for a second, before offering a small smile. "No, thanks. I think it would be better if it was just me and Max."

"Are you sure?" Kirsten asked again. "I could wait in the car or hide in the back? I could just be there if you needed me."

"Honey, I appreciate it, I really do. But I need to do this on my own," Sandy said cautiously, not wanting to upset her.

Kirsten nodded, trying to hide her disappointment. Sandy moved towards her and kissed her cheek lightly.

"Thank you," he said. "I love you."

He saw doubt shadow her face. "You know I love you, right?"

"I know," Kirsten answered unconvincingly.

Sandy paused, staring into her eyes. He could see that she didn't understand his reaction and he wished he could explain, but for once he didn't have the words. She had accused Rebecca of being the love of his life earlier; she had accused him of still being in love with her. Sandy knew that wasn't true, but he didn't know what he felt – just numb.

"You remember a couple of weeks ago? You remember when I got up on stage and sang for our anniversary?" Sandy suddenly asked her, wanting to reassure her. "You remember me declaring that _you_ were the love of my life? I meant every word."

Kirsten smiled slightly, appeased by his words.

"I really should go," Sandy said gently.

Kirsten nodded and he kissed her again, this time pressing his lips firmly against hers.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too," Kirsten replied. She waited at the door as he got in his car and left, driving away from the house; driving away from her.

Kirsten sighed again and went into the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of wine from the refrigerator and pouring herself a large glass. She sat at the table, her shoulders slumped. The glass emptied quickly and she poured another, trying to block the thoughts that invaded her mind.

She heard the low murmur of voices and a familiar giggle coming from the hallway and looked up as Seth came into the kitchen.

"Hey," Kirsten greeted him. "Was that Summer?"

Seth nodded. She saw him notice the bottle of wine that sat on the table in front of her and she consciously moved the glass away from her as he sat down at the end.

"Is everything ok?" Kirsten enquired.

"Yeah, actually it is," Seth said, sounding a little surprised. "Where's dad?"

"Oh, he had to go out and see someone," Kirsten answered vaguely. She saw the concerned look on his face and changed the subject quickly. "What's that?"

She pointed to the sketchbook that was in his hands.

"This? Oh, it's just something I've been messing around with," Seth answered, slightly embarrassed.

It wasn't that his mom would think he was silly, drawing comic books, but she was an Art History scholar; she liked the classics – Monet, Van Gogh, Rembrandt. Why would she be interested in his cartoons?

Seth could remember when he was younger, whenever they had an art class or a painting session at school, he would rush home to show his mom what he had drawn. She would always lift him up onto her lap and hold the picture in front of them, gushing at how wonderful she thought it was and pointing out all the good things about it. She never once told him that he should be careful to colour within the lines or that he should use a ruler to draw a straight line.

Kirsten saw his embarrassment but persevered. Something – anything – to occupy her mind. "Can I see?"

"Uh, sure," Seth passed her the sketchbook nervously. "They're only rough."

Kirsten opened it carefully and Seth saw her face light up. A giggle escaped from her mouth.

"Is this Ryan?"

"Yeah," Seth said, squirming in his seat. "It's pretty dumb."

"No, it's good," Kirsten smiled at him.

Her eyes scanned the picture carefully before turning over to find a drawing of Marissa.

"Cosmo Girl?"

Seth shrugged, pleased at Kirsten's responses to his pictures. She turned the page again and stopped at a drawing of Summer.

Kirsten smiled. "This is your best," she declared.

"Really?" Seth leant forwards in his seat.

"Yeah. There's more passion behind this one; more detail. Maybe because you know the subject so well," Kirsten said slowly.

Kirsten watched him closely. She felt like she was leading a separate life from her sons these days. She knew that things were over with Alex and, judging from the drawings in front of her, she could guess the reason why.

Seth looked away, his cheeks reddening, and Kirsten decided not to push any further.

"The boobs are little big though."

"Mom, don't say boobs," Seth groaned playfully.

Kirsten laughed.

"So you like them?" Seth asked.

"Yeah, I do," Kirsten said.

"Thanks," Seth smiled gratefully. "I'm gonna go see if Ryan's home."

Kirsten nodded and watched him head out to the poolhouse. She looked at the glass of wine that sat in front of her. Grabbing the glass, she stood up and walked over to the island, pouring the contents down the sink.

She checked the time. Sandy had said he wouldn't be gone long, but she guessed he would stay with the professor for as long as he needed to. She headed back to the bedroom and changed into her pyjamas, curling up on the bed with her book.

Waiting for Sandy to come home.


	11. The Second Chance

**Thank you to Sunny, Sheryl, JenJenxx, Panz, ally, Lauren, Mariana, Kylie, Natalie, Jen, Aimee, beachtree and Cynthia for your reviews. **

**The Second Chance**

Kirsten pulled up outside Sandy's new office. She stared up at the building and shook her head in amusement at its shambled appearance. She still couldn't believe he had chosen a surf shack for his office, but it was so typically Sandy.

She made her way up to the door and unlocked it with the spare key Sandy had left hanging up at home. It was dark and musty inside. Even in the pitch black, Kirsten could tell that it needed sprucing up. She wandered over to his desk, switching on a lamp and smiling at the messy desk. She browsed an open book that lay on a chair, reminded of all the study dates they had shared at college. She remembered the hours she had spent testing Sandy on subjects she didn't understand and the way he had tried to explain it to her, rambling in legal jargon until she had shut him up with a kiss. She smiled at the memory.

From the back of the office, a noise disturbed her, followed by an unfamiliar voice.

"Sandy? Is that you?"

Kirsten looked towards the door that led to the back. A woman with long dark hair appeared. They stared at each other in an uncomfortable silence. It didn't take much to realise who the other was.

"Rebecca?"

Kirsten's voice conveyed her shock and Rebecca knew immediately that Sandy still hadn't told his wife about her reappearance. Rebecca paused, squirming slightly under Kirsten's stare. She opened her mouth to speak but stopped when Kirsten dropped the book that was in her hands and backed out of the office.

Kirsten's legs wobbled as she practically ran out of Sandy's office. She reached her car and paused, leaning against the door; her breathing frantic, her head spinning.

_Rebecca was alive?_

She didn't understand. Sandy had told her that Rebecca was dead. He had lied to her.

She looked back towards the shack. What should she do now? Her first instinct was to go home and find out what the hell Sandy had to say for himself; but she wasn't sure she had the strength to fight with him tonight. Instead, she wandered down to the beach and sat on the soft sand. She brought her knees up to her chin, hugging them against her body.

The moonlight caught her wedding rings and she held her hand out in front of her. Three bands that wrapped around her finger, telling the world that she was his. She felt a tear fall down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly, sighing heavily. She thought about the past couple of days.

How long had he known she was alive? Had he always known?

No. She had seen his grief at the thought that Rebecca was dead; it had been real. Hell, she'd been jealous of it.

He had gone to tell Max that his daughter was dead. Did he find out that night, when he was with the professor?He had stayed out all night and crept into the house the next morning. She had asked him how Max had taken the news.

_"How do you think he took it?"_

That had been Sandy's response. Did he lie to her then?

She had left him to get some sleep, but he had gone out. Did he spend the day with _her_? He had come home just before dinner and she remembered his relief at not spending the evening having dinner with her dad. He had told her he had work to do at the office.

_"What if I told you he wants me to clear Rebecca's name?"_ he had asked her. It was only now that it made sense.

Kirsten shook her head in disbelief at her own stupidity. How could she have not known? He was asking for her approval…and she had given it. She had been understanding; she had _sympathised_.

Then he had been gone all night. She had watched her father have a heart attack and the one person she needed to hold on to at that moment hadn't been there. Had he been with _her_? He had eventually turned up at the hospital, smelling of alcohol. Had he been drinking with _her_? Laughing, joking, talking about the memories they shared? The thought made Kirsten feel sick.

He was cooking dinner at home right now. Her favourite meal to cheer her up. To soften the blow, perhaps? _If_ he was going to tell her.

Kirsten felt like her head was going to explode. It was all too much. She dropped her head to her knees and sighed.

She felt a vibration against her leg as her cell phone began to ring. She pulled it out and saw that it read "home". She stared at it for a few moments before answering.

"Hello?"

She hoped that whoever was on the other end couldn't hear the shakiness of her voice.

"Hey, where are you?"

It was Sandy. She took a deep breath before speaking.

"Uh…stuck in traffic. I'm nearly home."

She could lie as well as he could.

"Ok, I'll see you soon."

His voice was light and cheery. Normal.

"Yeah, soon."

Sandy hung up the phone, oblivious to Kirsten's pain, and went back to making dinner. It had been a strange couple of days since Max had turned up. He had lost Rebecca only to find her again. How was he supposed to process that?

He knew he had to tell Kirsten about Rebecca's reappearance from the grave, but how? He wasn't sure he had the words.

"Hey honey, you remember my ex-girlfriend that I told you was dead? Well, guess what? Great news – she's not! She's camping out in my office and I'm going to help her prove her innocence."

He knew Kirsten was not going to take the news well. It had been hard enough when he had told her that Max wanted him to find Rebecca; he could only guess what her reaction would be when he told her Rebecca was alive and was going to be hanging around for a while. So he made excuses to himself, to Rebecca: he couldn't tell Kirsten, he didn't want to implicate her.

He had agreed to help Rebecca prove her innocence, feeling a sense of obligation to Max. Max had been one of his law professors at Berkeley; he had been the one who had given Sandy the chance to be the man he had become and helped him achieve his dreams. There was also the added complication that he had once been in love with Rebecca. Maybe there was a part of him that was still in love with her. He had denied it to Kirsten, of course, but when Rebecca had hugged him yesterday he had a familiar feeling rise up inside of him; one that he hadn't experienced for 22 years.

Seeing Rebecca had stirred up so many memories; so many forgotten feelings. When she had disappeared 22 years ago, there had been no goodbye, no closure. She had left him a note, trying to explain, but there had been so many unanswered questions. Since Rebecca's return, Sandy had been running back to her every chance he had, searching for the answers to those questions. They had spent the day catching up on each other's lives, and they had spent last getting drunk and reminiscing about the old days.

A wave of guilt washed over him. Last night, he had been with Rebecca while Kirsten was waiting at the hospital to find out if her father was going to survive his heart attack. When he had eventually turned up at the hospital, the drama was over and Kirsten had sent him away. And he had let her. He had gone running back to Rebecca again. He should have stayed. True, Kirsten had told him that he didn't need to be there, but he should have stayed. He should have sat in the hallway and waited in case she needed him.

He had to tell Kirsten soon. He couldn't keep lying to her and he couldn't risk her coming to his office and seeing Rebecca. He resolved to tell her in a couple of days, once her father was out of hospital.

Sandy shook his head. Another excuse to avoid the inevitable.

He heard the front door and looked up to see Kirsten come through to the kitchen. He pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind.

"Hi, everything ok?"

He kissed her cheek as he passed her, missing the curious look she gave him.

"Yeah."

She looked over to the table, where Seth and Ryan were talking in whispers, then looked towards Sandy. She walked over to his side and spoke quietly.

"What about you? How are you feeling now, about Rebecca?"

She watched his face, looking for any glimpse of a reaction.

"Being dead?" Kirsten added.

She saw him blink and his mouth twitch. It was the slightest reaction, but she saw it.

"I'm ok," he said. He lied.

_'He's lying to me.'_

"Dinner is almost served," Sandy said, changing the subject. "Are you ready?"

Kirsten looked at her husband. _'Oh yes. I'm ready.'_


	12. The Lonely Hearts Club

**A big thank you to Sunny, FriendsHolic, Cynthia, Mariana, Jen, Jo, Lauren, JenJenxx, ally, Panz and Aimee5 for your reviews of the last chapter.**

**I've got Bell X1 playing and I'm about to kick Sandy's ass for being such a…well…ass! Enjoy!**

**The Lonely Hearts Club**

Kirsten lost track of time as she sat at the table. All she knew was that he had gone. He had left her to see Rebecca and he still wasn't home.

_"If you wanna go, I'm not gonna try and stop you."_

Why had she even given him the option?

He had paused and she knew he was thinking about it. Wasn't it obvious that she didn't mean it?

_"I'll be right back."_

She had felt her heart crack at that moment. Not break; just crack a little.

That had been three hours ago. They had missed their reservation at The Arches – a reservation Sandy had insisted they had kept. Kirsten felt stupid and humiliated as she waited around the house, clothed in an expensive dress, her make-up perfect, her hair straightened; waiting for her husband to come back to her from his ex-lover's hotel room.

No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't escape the suspicions that filled her mind. What were they doing? Were they talking? Was he comforting her? Was he begging her to stay? Was she in his arms? Was he kissing her with the lips he usually reserved for his wife?

She didn't want to think any further. Her clouded brain craved alcohol to chase away the thoughts, but she stopped herself, wanting to keep a clear head.

She heard the front door click shut from the bedroom. Was it him? She heard slow footsteps getting closer and she looked towards the door. He appeared around the corner and the moment she saw him, she felt the anger rise up inside of her. She got up from her seat, meeting him at the door. She saw the apologetic look on his face, knew that "I'm sorry" was about to follow and she realised she didn't want to hear it. For the first time she could remember, she didn't even want to see him.

The moment he saw her, Sandy knew he had just done a stupid thing. He had left her to chase after Rebecca, to stop her from leaving. He could see the hurt etched across her face and the angry gleam in her eyes. He wanted to apologise; he wanted to take the hurt away; he wanted to tell her he had made a stupid mistake. He approached her slowly and paused at the door.

Kirsten stared at him for a moment, before shutting the door in his face. Sandy closed his eyes and dropped his head, sighing. He had really hurt her and that was something he had always promised himself he wouldn't do. He had seen how Caleb's web of secrets had caused Kirsten so much pain and he never imagined he could do that to her. The look she had given him told him differently.

Sandy sat down on the steps outside the bedroom and listened intently for any sounds coming from the bedroom. He almost expected to hear crashing objects as Kirsten vented her rage against anything breakable she could lay her hands on, but there was only silence. In a way, Sandy thought that was worse.

He could have kicked himself for leaving her and he hated himself for kissing Rebecca. He remembered last year, when he found out the Jimmy had kissed Kirsten. He had been so hurt and so angry, yet he had just done the same thing. Worse, even, because he had _wanted_ to kiss Rebecca. Kirsten had always argued that her kiss with Jimmy was one-sided and Jimmy had always backed up that story.

So why had he done it? When Rebecca had told him she was leaving, his heart had sunk at the thought of losing her again. It felt like so much between them was still unresolved. He wanted her to stay, he wanted to enjoy her company more. A small part of him admitted that he wanted to know how it would feel to kiss her again; and an even smaller part admitted that he had enjoyed it. But along with that, he felt guilty, because he knew what he had done was wrong.

The mixture of guilt and silence was driving Sandy crazy. He hated arguing with Kirsten, he hated the feeling it left in the pit of his stomach. He stood and walked up the steps to the bedroom door. He raised his hand to knock but he stopped himself. He shouldn't have to ask permission to enter his own bedroom. Slowly, he opened the door. Kirsten was sat on the stool at the end of the bed, her head dropped and her shoulders slumped. Sandy saw her body tense as he walked into the bedroom and she looked away from him, running her hand over her cheeks and he knew she was wiping away tears.

"I'm sorry," Sandy said softly.

Kirsten refused to look up at him, hiding her red eyes. "Don't. I don't wanna hear your apologies."

"Kirsten…"

"Don't."

Her voice was hard but Sandy persevered.

"I had to say goodbye," he tried to explain.

"Did you? Did you say goodbye? Is she leaving?"

Kirsten looked up at him and saw the guilty look on his face. Sandy averted his eyes from hers and didn't speak.

"Did you sleep with her?" Kirsten's voice almost broke as she asked him. She didn't know why she asked him – she didn't really want to know the answer.

"What?" Sandy was taken aback by the question.

"Rebecca," Kirsten spat her name out like a bad taste in her mouth. "Did you sleep with her?"

"No! I would never…how can you even think that?" Sandy asked, horrified.

Kirsten laughed bitterly. "You've been gone for hours. What was I supposed to think?"

"You're _supposed_ to trust me."

Kirsten held her own angry glare against his. She didn't care if he thought she was being unreasonable – she had been sat here for the past three hours, her mind full of the unimaginable.

Sandy recoiled, knowing that she had a good reason not to trust him. Because he had kissed Rebecca. He couldn't even justify it as a goodbye kiss, because he had asked her to stay. It had been a _'please stay'_ kiss; a reminder of what they used to have.

"Let's not do this now," Sandy sighed. "Let's talk about it tomorrow."

"No," Kirsten said defiantly. "I'm fed up of avoiding the subject, Sandy. Let's talk about it now."

"What do you want me to say? I can't keep apologising," Sandy said, frustrated.

"I just want you to be honest with me," Kirsten said.

"I told you, I'm just helping her," Sandy said.

"But why? You told me you were doing this for Max. And now he's dead, so why are you still helping her?" Kirsten asked. She didn't care if she was being insensitive – she had passed the point of caring. She just wanted him to admit how he was feeling, even if she wouldn't like the answer.

"She's innocent," Sandy said. "She has no-one else she can turn to."

"Sandy Cohen: the people's hero. Everyone's knight in shining armour," Kirsten scorned.

Sandy was taken aback by her cattiness. She wasn't even fuelled by alcohol.

"Her father has just died. Have some compassion," Sandy said, staring in disgust at his wife.

"I don't care about Rebecca, Sandy, I care about us. You and me."

"So do I," Sandy defended.

"Do you? Because you keep saying these things and then you do something else. I mean, why go to all the effort for tonight, and then just leave? Didn't you think it was gonna hurt me?"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop_ apologising._ Stop _lying_ to me…"

"I didn't lie. I told you, I thought she was dead," Sandy argued.

"But you didn't tell me she _wasn't_ dead!" Kirsten cried.

"I was trying to protect you," Sandy tried to justify.

"Oh, cut the crap, Sandy," Kirsten said, standing up from the stool and pacing in front of him. "You _lied_ to me. You've spent the past couple of days running to her every time my back was turned."

"It wasn't like that," Sandy tried to interrupt.

"So what was it like?" Kirsten asked, blinking back the tears that she could feel behind her eyes.

"You have nothing to be jealous about," Sandy tried to reassure her. When he saw Kirsten's eyes flare, he realised he had said the wrong thing.

"Don't you _dare_ turn this around on me," Kirsten spat. She hated the way he did that; how he managed to turn every argument into her and her insecurities, her fears. "You promised me. You promised me at Chrismukkah that you would never lie to me; you told me that there would never be any secrets to hide."

Kirsten's voice wobbled as the tears threatened to take over. "After everything with my dad…"

"You're comparing me to Caleb now?" Sandy asked, offended that she could speak his name in the same sentence as his father-in-law.

Kirsten turned away from him, her resolve faltering. Sandy stared at her back, noticing how frail she looked.

"Kirsten, please," Sandy begged. He hated to see her hurting so much, knowing he was the cause.

Kirsten shook her head, unable to speak. She felt a lump in her throat, and she knew that as soon as she tried to talk the tears would flow. She didn't want him to see her crying. She stood, breathing deeply, trying to steady herself.

"I don't know what to say to make things better," Sandy spoke softly.

"It's not about what you say, Sandy. It's about what you do," Kirsten spoke quietly against the tears.

"What do you want me to do?"

Kirsten didn't answer. She knew what she wanted to say: she wanted him to give up Rebecca's case; she wanted him to promise that he would never see her again; she wanted him to wrap his arms around her and tell her everything was going to be ok.

Sandy waited until he realised he wasn't going to get a response from her.

"I'm gonna go," he said.

Kirsten felt her heart crack a little more.

"I'll sleep in the guest bedroom tonight."

Kirsten listened as she heard his soft footsteps leave the room and the bedroom door shut gently. Her hands reached for her face as she started to sob, the tears breaking free and streaming down her face. She stumbled backwards and collapsed on the bed, curling herself into a ball, as tight as possible. Her body shook against the expensive sheets as she felt her world falling apart. He was her rock; he was the one thing in her life that she had always been able to rely on. If she couldn't trust Sandy, who could she trust?

Eventually, the tears stopped and her breathing steadied. Her eyes were sore from the smudged make up that she now wore and she rubbed her cheeks, trying hopelessly to clean the black marks. Pulling herself up, Kirsten stood wearily off the bed and stripped herself of the dress she had been wearing all evening. She looked at it sadly before tossing it irritably across the floor. She pulled on her pyjamas, comforted by the soft material and wrapped her robe around her.

She opened the bedroom door and wandered slowly down to the house. She could hear the soft hum of the television and she made her way towards the family room.

Sandy was wrapped up in a blanket, settled on the sofa, watching an old movie. He wasn't really watching it; he couldn't concentrate on anything. As soon as he had walked out of the bedroom, he had regretted it. He wished he hadn't walked away from her.

He looked up at her now and was immediately drawn to her sad eyes, which were red and puffy from her tears.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

Kirsten nodded.

"Are Seth and Ryan home?" she asked, wanting to avoid another confrontation for as long as possible.

Sandy shook his head. "I don't think so."

He paused, watching her watching him, waiting for him to speak.

"I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm sorry," Sandy apologised, hoping she wouldn't interrupt him until he had recited the speech he had been working on since he had left her. "You're right, I should have told you about Rebecca. I used the excuse that I didn't want you getting into trouble because…I don't know why. I guess I was trying to protect you from this, because I knew it would be hard for you, for us. I can't explain it, but I need to help her. I want to help her. I…I still care about her. But that doesn't mean that I don't love you, because I do. I'm not trying to hurt you and I'm so sorry that I have."

His words hurt her, but Kirsten was grateful for his honesty. He looked up at her, his eyes pleading for forgiveness, and she softened.

"Promise me…promise me we're going to be ok and I'll believe you," Kirsten said, almost at a whisper.

Sandy got up from the sofa and walked over to her, standing in front of her. He longed for some physical contact with her, but he refrained from reaching out and pulling her closer. Instead he lifted her chin carefully to meet her eyes and gently wiped away the solitary tear that had fallen down her cheek.

"We're going to be ok, I promise."

Kirsten blinked away more tears and nodded. She heard a car pull up outside and immediately panicked about her sons seeing her like this. She turned slightly towards the sound, before looking back at Sandy.

"Don't be long coming to bed, ok?"

Sandy frowned and Kirsten saw his confusion.

"I don't want the boys to see us sleeping apart."

It was an excuse. She just didn't want to sleep on her own. Sleeping in separate beds would be one step closer to admitting a deeper problem. Sandy nodded and watched as she hurried back along the corridor and disappeared into the bedroom.

He sighed sadly. He wasn't sure he could keep his promise – and that scared him.


	13. The Test

**Thank you to Emz, ally, Sunny, JenJenxx, Aimee, kandy4eva, Mariana, Natalie, Sheryl, Lauren, Cynthia, Michelle, Jen, Kaz and Cohen-girl for your reviews. **

**This one took a while to write, I got totally stuck. A special thanks to Kaz for helping me. I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but it's going to have to do, because it's been driving me insane trying to get this far!**

**The Test**

It was late by the time Kirsten returned home, exhausted from possibly the worst Newport party she had ever been to – and that was saying something. She came through to the family room and found Seth asleep on the sofa. Dark circles hung under his eyes and his curls were a tangled mess. Kirsten couldn't help but run her hand lightly over his head to smooth them down. She hadn't seen her son so peaceful for days. Something was going on with him but he refused to talk about it to her or Sandy, only Ryan. She was grateful that he had someone to talk to; she needed a friend herself right now.

"I didn't know whether to wake him."

Kirsten turned towards the voice coming from the kitchen and saw Sandy leaning against the kitchen island, a mug in his hand. Kirsten shook her head.

"No, we might as well leave him here now he's asleep," Kirsten said quietly.

She carefully pulled a blanket over her sleeping son and stood watching him for a moment.

"Do you want some coffee?" Sandy asked.

Kirsten looked up at him and shook her head, no. An awkward silence fell between them. Sandy looked at her closely. He expected her to be angry with him, but right now she just seemed sad.

"You're late home," Sandy commented.

Kirsten didn't speak, only nodded, and walked into the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator, her eyes browsing the shelves. She desperately wanted to talk to him about Lindsey and her father, but she was still hurt by Sandy's words earlier. He didn't trust her.

_He_ didn't trust _her_.

"How was the rest of the party?" Sandy asked, hoping to get some kind of answer from her. He hated the silence.

Kirsten sighed. "Awful."

She could feel Sandy's eyes watching her, waiting for her to elaborate.

"My dad cancelled his announcement about adopting Lindsey," Kirsten continued, subdued.

"He did?" Sandy said, surprised. Caleb had spoken to him about a paternity test, but he had been sure that Caleb's intentions towards Lindsey were honourable for once.

Kirsten pulled out a bottle of water and closed the fridge, turning towards him. "It turns out that Renee isn't sure who Lindsey's father is."

"How did Lindsey take the news?" Sandy asked.

"Not good. I stopped at her house on my way home from the party. She was in tears; it took me half an hour to get her to stop crying," Kirsten answered.

"So what happens now? Is Lindsey going to take a paternity test?"

"Dad wants her to. Actually, I think _Julie _wants her to," Kirsten said bitterly. "Lindsey's refusing. She just keeps saying that if he really were her dad, he wouldn't treat her like that. She's so angry at him, Sandy."

"What about you?"

Kirsten looked at him questioningly.

"How do you feel about it?" Sandy enquired.

Kirsten sighed again and paused before answering. "I just can't believe that after everything that happened at Chrismukkah, she might not actually be my sister. I mean, how could Renee do it? How could she do that when she wasn't sure of the truth?"

Sandy wished he had the answers for her. She looked tired and sad as she leaned back against the fridge, closing her eyes for a moment.

"What if she's not your sister? What happens then?" Sandy probed.

Kirsten shrugged. "I don't know. It was so hard accepting her as my sister, but she's part of the family now."

"What about your dad?"

"He does seem to genuinely love her," Kirsten contemplated. "But if she's not really his daughter…to ask him to love her, the way we love Ryan? I'm not sure he could do that."

Kirsten wrapped her arms around herself, hugging them tight against her body. She wished Sandy's arms were around her; she wished he was whispering comforting words in her ear like he always did when she was upset. But she couldn't pretend that everything was ok when it wasn't.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed," Kirsten said, making her excuses to leave and standing up straight.

"Kirsten…"

"Please, Sandy," Kirsten begged, dejectedly. "I'm too tired to argue any more."

"I don't wanna argue with you, Kirsten," Sandy said. "But don't you think we should talk about things?"

"I have been talking, Sandy. It just feels like you haven't been listening," Kirsten sighed.

"Is that why you went to see Rebecca?" Sandy asked.

Kirsten glared at him for a moment. _What was it about that woman?_

"I guess I needed to see for myself," Kirsten said.

"See what?"

"What you were putting our family at risk for," Kirsten answered.

"I told you, it's not about making a choice," Sandy cried.

"Of course it is! God, Sandy, the police turned up today asking about her. And I _lied_ for you; I lied for _her_," Kirsten said angrily.

"I didn't ask you to do that," Sandy objected.

"So you would have been ok if I'd told them the truth? If I'd told them that you had Rebecca shacked up at some hotel?"

"No, of course not!" Sandy raised his voice and from behind him, Seth stirred on the sofa.

Wary not to wake him, they both stood quietly for a moment. Sandy leant against the island, exasperated at continually having to explain himself to his wife. He had felt so torn while Rebecca was around, and now she was gone he was supposed to feel relieved; but he didn't. He felt regret and resentment towards Kirsten for pushing her away.

"I just don't know what it is you want from me, Sandy," Kirsten sighed.

"I just want you to trust me," Sandy said sadly. "Just like I trusted you with Jimmy."

"Oh, you are _not_ bringing up Jimmy again," Kirsten said, feeling the anger rising up inside her again.

"That's not what I meant," Sandy defended.

"You wanna talk about trust, Sandy? Then why can't _you _trust _me_? Because all I'm trying to do is stop my family from falling apart," Kirsten spat, keeping her voice hushed.

With that, she spun on her heel and left Sandy alone in the kitchen. He sighed wearily. He felt like he had failed: he had failed to help Rebecca; he had failed to keep his promise to Max; and he had failed to stop Kirsten from getting hurt. Even with Rebecca gone, she was still tearing a hole in his marriage. He knew his words and actions had hurt Kirsten, and he wished he could take them back. He felt like he had been taking lessons from Seth, speaking without thinking first. That had to stop. Now that Rebecca was out of their lives, Sandy realised it was time to rebuild his family.


	14. The Rainy Day Women

**Thank you to Mariana, JenJenxx, Sunny, Emzzie, Kaz, Jen, Michelle, The Obsessed three, Cynthia and ally for your reviews. **

**Any mistakes are mine, because I've had a few too many vodkas tonight…oops!**

**The Rainy Day Women**

Sandy had been on the bus for over an hour. It was quiet, except for a handful of passengers. An old man sat near the front and Sandy could hear him snoring. He thought of Kirsten and how she always snored softly when she slept, and how she always denied it when he teased her. A few seats in front of him, a woman was talking excitedly on the phone, and Sandy guessed that she was going home to a loved one. He wondered whether Kirsten would be waiting for him when he got home. Behind him, he could hear a young couple whispering and giggling and kissing. It reminded him of when he first met Kirsten and how they couldn't keep their hands off each other, and how it almost got them in trouble on several occasions.

As he sat alone on the bus, Sandy realised that everything in his life came back to Kirsten. He had known it all along, he had just been too stupid to see it; because while Rebecca had always been running away from him, Kirsten had always been running towards him. He loved Kirsten; he wanted Kirsten. Rebecca was the past; Kirsten was the present and the future. And if Kirsten didn't know that, Sandy was going to make sure that she did. He only hoped that he wasn't too late.

Life had taken its toll on their marriage recently: Ryan moving back to Chino; Seth running away; Lindsey; Caleb; Rebecca. They had all played their part, but Sandy knew that he was a part of this mess too. He had always believed that their marriage was unbreakable and they could stand anything that life threw at them. Only, it wasn't true. They were falling, and every time they started to get back on their feet, something else would come alone to knock them over again. Sandy wanted to put up a barrier around them, to hide from the outside world while they rebuilt themselves.

Lost in his thoughts, Sandy didn't notice them approaching Newport until the bus pulled up at the station. He glanced out the window and saw Kirsten waiting outside in the rain for him. His heart skipped a beat when he saw her. He knew he would be crazy to think that this meant he was forgiven, but it gave him hope. Maybe he had a chance to save his marriage.

He came off the bus and went immediately to her, joining her under her umbrella.

"You took the bus?" Kirsten questioned.

"I told you, nothing's keeping me from you," Sandy told her.

Kirsten looked sadly at him. "Is it over?"

"I promise you, it never started."

Sandy leant tentatively towards her, kissing her. He pulled back and stared deep into her eyes, hoping that she could see how much he loved her. Feeling bold, he kissed her again and was relieved when she reciprocated.

Kirsten accepted the kiss from him, wrapping her arm around his neck and clinging tightly to him. She pushed the anger and confusion out of her mind as she held onto him, finding the familiar taste of his lips comforting. Even though she was still angry with him, Kirsten needed him more; she needed to know that he was back and that he wasn't going to leave her again. If he was unsure where he wanted to be, Kirsten hoped that her kiss would remind him of how wonderful the past twenty years had been.

The umbrella dropped from Kirsten's hand as it joined her other arm around his neck and she hugged him tightly, burying her head in his shoulder. She didn't care about the rain.

"I love you, Kirsten," Sandy said, holding her against him.

"I love you too," Kirsten whispered.

Sandy sighed with relief when he heard her say those words. He pulled back.

"Can you forgive me?" he asked.

Kirsten dropped her head. She wanted to say yes and forgive him, but it wasn't that easy. She couldn't pretend that the past few weeks hadn't happened or that he hadn't hurt her. He had lied and, deep down, she still didn't believe that he hadn't cheated. If she could turn back time, she would; but that was impossible.

"Let's go home," she said eventually, ignoring his question.

She turned away from him and Sandy followed her to the car. They drove home in silence, neither of them wanting to make small talk. There were deeper things to talk about – questions that needed to be asked, answers that needed to be given.

Kirsten pulled into the drive and glanced over at Sandy. She had been unnerved by his unusual silence as she drove, his normal backseat driving absent. She caught his eye and smiled sadly at the awkwardness between them, knowing that he could feel it too. She led them up to the house and paused as they walked through the front door. Sandy almost fell over her as she stopped suddenly and peered over her shoulder. His heart jumped when he saw a pile of luggage in the doorway.

"Oh, God, Kirsten. You were leaving? Did we really reach that far? Please, I know I've been an idiot, but please don't go," Sandy begged, jumping to the wrong conclusion.

Kirsten frowned, looking at the luggage and back at Sandy. "Sandy…"

"Please, don't leave. We can work it out, right? We'll be ok," Sandy continued.

"Sandy!" Kirsten cried. "It's not my luggage."

"It's not?"

Kirsten smiled, genuinely this time, at his concerned expression. She shook her head. "No."

"So, who's is it?"

They heard footsteps come towards them from the kitchen and turned to see a very wet Summer appear.

"Oh, thank God your home!" Summer declared.

"Summer? Are you moving in?" Sandy asked.

"Why are you so wet?" Kirsten asked.

Summer rolled her eyes. "I came to see Seth and he…well, he's got himself in a bit of trouble."

"Trouble?" Kirsten immediately panicked.

"Oh, nothing bad," Summer relieved her fears. "It's his own stupid fault."

She gestured for Kirsten and Sandy to follow and they did so obediently, following her out into the backyard. Kirsten gasped when she saw Seth still hanging from the roof, while Sandy stifled a laugh.

"Oh my God! What are you doing?" Kirsten asked, dumbstruck.

"Hello Mother! Father!" Seth greeted them.

"Are you ok?" Kirsten asked, bending over slightly and tipping her head as she looked at her upside-down son.

"Uh huh. Apart from all the blood in my body has rushed to my head," Seth answered.

"How did this happen?" Sandy asked.

"The dumbass was trying to fix the aerial!" Summer answered for Seth. "I called the fire department, but because of the weather, they're not responding to anything that's not an emergency. And apparently, this isn't an emergency."

Sandy stood back as he tried to figure out a way to get Seth down.

"I think we're just going to have to cut you loose," Sandy said.

Kirsten and Seth shot identical glares towards Sandy.

"Cut him down?"

"Cut me down?"

They spoke at once and Sandy grinned as he nodded, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

"Don't worry, son, it'll only hurt for a minute," Sandy teased, disappearing into the house to find something to cut the rope.

Kirsten looked over at Summer and noticed her shivering, her entire body wet.

"Why don't we go inside and get warmed up while Sandy gets Seth down?" Kirsten suggested, wrapping one arm around Summer's shoulders.

She led her into the house, ignoring Seth's pleas as they left him hanging alone outside. Sandy passed them on his way out, in his hands a pair of garden shears sharp enough to cut the thick rope that was attached to Seth and a camera.

"Sandy? Please be careful," Kirsten instructed.

Ten minutes later, Kirsten had sent Summer to get changed into dry clothes while she made some hot drinks and a bedraggled Seth came through the door to the kitchen.

"Where's your dad?"

"Pulling the cover over the pool," Seth answered. He gratefully accepted a cup of hot tea from his mother. "Where's Summer?"

"Getting changed. And so should you," Kirsten ordered.

Seth nodded and Kirsten noticed a change in him.

"So the boat trick worked, huh?" she asked.

"Uh, no, in the end, Summer just couldn't resist my endearing charms," Seth gloated.

Kirsten smiled. "So we don't have to put up with Boyz II Men blasting through the house any more?"

"Boyz to who?" Seth asked innocently.

Kirsten laughed. "You should go and get changed, before you get ill."

Seth nodded and saluted her. "Yes, Ma'am."

Kirsten handed him another cup of tea. "Here, take this to Summer."

"Thanks, Mom," Seth said, disappearing just as Sandy came in from outside.

He shook his mop of hair and water flew out at every angle.

"That'll be one to pull out on his wedding day," Sandy laughed, waving the camera at her triumphantly.

Kirsten couldn't help but laugh as she handed Sandy the last steaming cup. "I don't know how he gets himself in these situations."

"Well, he doesn't get it from me," Sandy declared.

Kirsten grunted in disagreement and Sandy grinned at her. It almost felt like they were back to normal already, until that awkward silence reappeared.

"I think I'm gonna go take a shower," Kirsten announced.

She left the kitchen quickly, before Sandy could respond. Seth's escapade had distracted them for a while, but she knew the inevitable was coming. They had to talk about _her _some time. Kirsten escaped to the bedroom, stripping off her clothes and retreating into the shower, making sure the bathroom door was locked behind her. She usually left it unlocked, but she needed time to herself for a while.

He would ask her again to forgive him, and Kirsten needed to know what her answer would be. She wasn't sure herself yet if she _could_ forgive, even though she wanted to. As the hot water cascaded down her body, she closed her eyes and replayed twenty years of memories in her mind. The first time she saw him, the first time she kissed him, the first time she made love to him; the day he had proposed, the day they had got married; the day she discovered she was pregnant with Seth, the day he was born, his first day at school; every kiss, every hug, every 'I love you' they had ever shared. Twenty years of memories that Kirsten wouldn't swap for anything in the world.

And then she found her answer: twenty years wasn't enough. She wanted more time with him, to create more memories. Life without Sandy seemed impossible – more impossible than forgiving him. She loved him.

Dragging herself out from the shower, Kirsten wrapped herself in her bathrobe and went through to the bedroom. Sandy was stood at the window, watching the rain outside.

"There's a storm on the way," he told her.

Kirsten shuddered. She hated storms.

She sat down on her side of the bed and began to rub her wet hair with a towel. Sandy walked slowly over to the bed and sat down beside her. Kirsten stopped and looked at him. Silently, Sandy took the towel from her hands and started to dry her hair for her. It was something he had always done for her. Kirsten would close her eyes and Sandy would massage her head as he rubbed her hair dry, usually accompanied with a flurry of kisses over her neck and shoulders.

There were no kisses this time.

"I'm sorry," Sandy apologised, continuing to rub her hair.

"I know," Kirsten responded quietly.

"Will you ever be able to forgive me?" Sandy asked apprehensively.

Kirsten pulled her head away and turned to face him. "I need to know…I need you to be honest with me. Last night, in the motel room, did you and…did you and Rebecca…did you…"

"No," Sandy interrupted firmly. "I promise, nothing happened."

Kirsten searched his eyes for the truth and Sandy persevered.

"I promise," he repeated. "All I could think about was you. How much I had hurt you and how much I wished I could take it all back."

"But you can't," Kirsten said.

"I know," Sandy admitted sadly.

"And Rebecca – has she gone?" Kirsten questioned.

Sandy nodded.

"What about up here?" Kirsten asked, placing her hand on the side of Sandy's head. "Is she gone from up here?"

"She'll always be there, Kirsten. Just like Jimmy will always be there in yours," Sandy said cautiously, hoping not to upset her. "But what I felt for her then is in the past, I promise you. I love _you_."

A tear ran down Kirsten's cheek and Sandy gently wiped it away. "I love you," he repeated.

"You hurt me. You put her before us, before our family," Kirsten sighed, squeezing her eyes shut and wishing she could find the right words to explain. "I just…I feel like ever since she came back, she reminded you of everything you used to be and everything you used to want. And it was never this, it was never a Newport life."

"Oh, baby, I just want you," Sandy said. "And I know I've done a bad job of showing it recently."

More tears fell from Kirsten's eyes. "I just keep thinking about what would have happened if she hadn't run. Because I can't imagine my life without you."

"You don't have to, because I'm not going anywhere," Sandy said. "You know what I think? I think even if Rebecca hadn't run away, you and me – we would have still met and I still would have fallen in love with you. How could I not?"

Sandy cupped her face and kissed her lips softly, before pulling her into his arms. Kirsten fell into him, letting the tears fall and soak into his shirt. Sandy was the only person she ever showed her vulnerable side to; she couldn't help it, he brought it out of her. She wanted to show him how much she was hurting.

"I'm so sorry," Sandy said again.

"I don't want to ever do this again," Kirsten said, her voice hard.

"We won't," Sandy promised. "You wanted me to choose and I did. I chose you. I _choose_ you, because I love you and I can't imagine my life without you."

He found her lips and kissed them again. Kirsten reciprocated urgently, trying to lose herself in him; trying to banish the thoughts from her mind. She played his words over and over in her head. _"I love you…I'm sorry…I love you."_ It was the same voice that had always spoken to her. They were same eyes that had always looked at her; the same lips that had always kissed her; the same hands that had always touched her.

_But what if that voice had spoken to her? What if his eyes had looked at her like that? What if his lips had kissed her and his hands touched her?_

Kirsten pushed Sandy off of her. "I'm sorry, I can't do this."

Sandy sighed. "Are we ever going to get back what we had?"

"I don't know," Kirsten answered sadly. "I don't know if I want to."

Sandy looked scared and Kirsten touched his face reassuringly. "I just feel like we weren't almost weren't strong enough to get through this."

"Baby, you and me, we're strong enough to get through anything," Sandy tried to reassure her.

Kirsten nodded, wishing she could believe him, but she couldn't. Rebecca had almost broken them and despite Sandy's words, Kirsten wasn't sure she they could pick themselves up from it.

"I'm just so tired, Sandy," Kirsten whispered.

Sandy smoothed the hair back from her face gently. "Let's get some sleep, huh?"

Kirsten stood up wearily and went back into the bathroom to blow-dry her hair. By the time she re-emerged, Sandy was waiting for her in bed. She climbed in next to him and accepted his embrace, curling up against him.

"We're going to be ok, I promise," Sandy whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too," Kirsten replied.

She listened as she heard Sandy fall asleep next to her, before rolling over away from him. Sandy followed instinctively, his hand draping over her waist and Kirsten smiled to herself.

She knew he loved her; she loved him too. But was it enough any more?

She lifted her left hand and stared at her wedding rings around her finger. She was Mrs Kirsten Cohen. But Rebecca had threatened that, and Kirsten had been left wondering who she would be if she wasn't Mrs Kirsten Cohen. Kirsten Nichol didn't exist any more – she had left her behind twenty years ago.

Slowly and carefully, Kirsten slid each ring off of her finger and looked at her naked hand. It looked strange without the sparkling diamonds. In a funny way, it scared her and she felt a shiver run down her spine. But, as she went to put the rings back on, she paused.

Maybe it was time to find out who she really was.


	15. The Mallpisode

**Thank you to Sunny, Cynthia, beachtree, Jen, JenJenxx, Mariana, Becky, Mickey, Shellie, Panz, don't think about it, Lauren and Natalie for you reviews, they mean a lot to me! I feel like I've neglected this fic a bit recently, so I'm going to try and update it quickly.**

**The Mallpisode**

The house was silent when Kirsten arrived home. It was nearly midnight and she assumed that everyone was safe in bed. She walked through the house and up the steps to the bedroom, surprised to see Sandy still awake and waiting for her. He looked up when he heard her at the bedroom door.

"Sorry, I didn't think I was going to be so late," she apologised.

Sandy closed the book he was reading and shrugged. "I didn't find your ring."

Kirsten felt guilt rush through her. Of course he wouldn't have found her ring. It wasn't lost.

"Oh, you were looking for my ring?"

"Me and your father," Sandy answered. "We made a day of it. He was upset about Lindsey and I was upset about…well, I was just upset."

"Well, we'll find our groove. And my ring," Kirsten said, wishing she believed it herself.

_He _was upset? He hadn't been the one who had been lied to for the past couple of months; he wasn't the one who was still hurting.

"In the meantime, we're gonna have to do the dishes and things in the bathroom sink, because I…I lost the bolt, you know, that keeps the pipe and the thing together," Sandy rambled, getting up from the bed and walking around to stand in front of her. "But just know this…"

He took out a plastic egg from his pocket and popped it open, pulling out a plastic ring. Kirsten gasped when she saw it, knowing what it meant. Sandy slid the ring onto her wedding finger and she looked up to meet his eyes.

"…I love you and I'm so sorry I did anything to make you doubt it."

Kirsten softened and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. For the first time since Rebecca, she believed him. She believed that he was sorry.

She looked down at the ring, remembering the night that Sandy proposed and remembering how she felt. Sandy had won the ring at the Cliff House arcade and he had hidden his prize from her until he had taken her down to the beach. He had proposed in the traditional way, getting down on one knee, and Kirsten hadn't hesitated in saying yes. She already knew that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. They were so madly in love back then and Kirsten missed that feeling. She missed the man she fell in love with.

Since Rebecca, they couldn't deny that things had changed. _They_ had changed. She was still in love with him, of course, but it was a different feeling now. Holding her hand out in front of her, a glimmer of that old feeling came back and, at least for tonight, Kirsten wanted to hold onto it.

She pulled back from the hug, resting her hands on Sandy's shoulders. She stared deep into his eyes, seeing the man she married twenty years ago. She wasn't prepared to give up twenty years of happiness for a couple of months of troubles.

"I love you," Kirsten spoke eventually, smiling gently.

Sandy smiled back, happy to hear her say those words. Seeing Kirsten without her wedding rings on had scared him. A voice inside his head kept telling him that losing her rings had not been an accident and he tried to push them away. He realised now how deeply he had hurt her and hoped that this was another step towards forgiveness. He tentatively leaned towards her and Kirsten caught his head between her hands, covering his lips with her own. She kissed him passionately, allowing herself to get caught up in her feelings. She wrapped her arms around his neck and Sandy ran his hands up and down her back, holding her tightly against him.

It had been so long since they had felt so close, both physically and emotionally. They fell onto the bed, their lips finding each other again while their hands roamed each other's bodies. Sandy fought his urges and worked slowly as his hands worked at removing her clothes. He didn't want to rush her. Kirsten was silently grateful and her fingers carefully undid the buttons of his shirt, pushing it off his body. Every now and again, Sandy would pull away and look at his wife. Kirsten would pause, before drawing him down towards her again.

They made love for the first time in months, eventually spooning together under the sheets. It was all so familiar and Kirsten revelled in that feeling as she lay in Sandy's arms. She held out her left hand in front of her and studied the plastic ring on her finger.

Sandy saw her and planted a kiss on her temple. "I love you," he whispered.

Kirsten closed her eyes, guilt running through her again. She had taken off her wedding rings and he had spent the whole day trying to replace them; trying to do something to make her happy, to prove his love to her. Did he doubt _her_ love?

She turned her head towards him. "I love you too."

Sandy kissed her forehead. Kirsten smiled, snuggling back against Sandy's body, and she looked back at her new ring.

"You really spent the day with my _father_?" she asked, frowning. It was no secret that there was no love lost between her father and her husband.

Sandy chuckled in her ear. "Yeah. It was actually kinda fun."

Kirsten raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "You had fun with my Dad?"

"Yeah, well, maybe I'm softening towards the guy," Sandy admitted.

"It's only taken twenty years," Kirsten said, amused. "You said he was upset about Lindsey?"

"He really loved her. He's taking her leaving really hard," Sandy said. "Have you spoken to her?"

Kirsten shook her head. "I've called a couple of times and left messages. I guess she decided that being a part our family wasn't what she wanted after all," she said sadly.

"Oh, honey, don't take it personally. It must have been hard on her, finding out that Caleb was her dad, and then that he might not be, and then that he is," Sandy comforted her.

"I suppose I just got used to having a sister around again," Kirsten said. "What about Ryan? Is he doing ok?"

"He's pretty quiet," Sandy answered. "You know what he's like, he doesn't say much about how he's feeling. Seth's been keeping him busy this weekend, they went off to the mall or something. Were they back when you got home?"

Kirsten twisted around to face him. "They're not home?"

"No, I had a strange message from Seth earlier, something about being trapped in the mall and needing to use his emergency credit card," Sandy said.

"What? Was he serious?" Kirsten asked, worried.

"I doubt it. You know what Seth's like," Sandy reassured her.

"Maybe we should call his cell phone," Kirsten said, sitting up and reaching for the phone.

"I'm sure they're fine," Sandy tried to stop her, but she was already punching in the numbers. He stared at her bare back as she waited for Seth to answer, her foot tapping the floor nervously.

"Seth? Where are you? Are you ok? Is Ryan there?" Kirsten fired questions down the phone as soon as Seth picked up. "Ok. I want you home in an hour, ok? No arguments. Bye sweetie."

"Everything ok?" Sandy asked.

"Yeah, they're with girls grabbing some food," Kirsten answered over her shoulder.

Sandy sat up and reached over to her, running his finger down her spine and dropping a kiss on her shoulder. Kirsten felt her body tremble under his touch.

"I'm gonna go take a shower," Sandy said softly. "Wanna join me?"

Kirsten let out a small laugh. "No, I'm good."

Slightly disappointed, Sandy swung his legs out of the bed and went through to the bathroom. Kirsten heard the water start to run and he started to sing softly. Kirsten pulled on her pyjamas and went through to the bathroom, craving her husband's company.

"You know, Julie was acting strange today," Kirsten mused, leaning back against the sink.

"More than usual?" Sandy teased from the shower.

"Yeah, actually," Kirsten laughed.

"You think there's something going on?" Sandy asked.

"I don't know. I mean, all day she kept complaining that the publishers were sending in someone else to edit the magazine, but then when he did show up, she made her excuses and disappeared," Kirsten said.

"Sounds like a Julie Cooper thing to do to me," Sandy said.

"Yeah, I guess," Kirsten said.

"I hope whoever they send in is brave enough to face Julie Cooper."

Kirsten laughed and her mind turned to Carter Buckley. They had only just met but he had already called her on taking off her wedding rings, seeing through her lies immediately. She wondered if Sandy had seen through her lies too. She could only hope not; because if taking off her wedding rings had taught her anything, it was that she _wanted_ to wear them. She _wanted_ to be Mrs Kirsten Cohen. The feeling she had had twenty years ago of wanting spend the rest of her life with Sandy was still there and still just as strong as it had always been. It had just got a little lost; _she_ had got a little lost. She just had to find her way back to the place where she belonged.

She stared at the ring that now occupied her hand. Her finger had felt naked without her rings. She had found herself searching for it, so often twisting it round her finger as she thought, and it had felt strange when she found nothing. She looked towards the bedroom, knowing where her real rings were safely hidden.

"I'm gonna go curl up in bed," Kirsten said to Sandy. "Don't be long, ok?"

"Ok."

She left Sandy in the shower, taking her robe off as she went back through to the bedroom. She paused, listening to make sure he wasn't following her, before walking round to the drawers that stood by her bed. She took off the plastic ring that Sandy had given her and pulled open the top drawer. She opened the book that sat there to find her rings exactly where she had left them. She picked them up carefully and slid them easily onto her finger.

She looked down at her hand and smiled. That was where they belonged.


	16. The Blaze of Glory

**Thank you for all the comments on the last chapter – Sunny, Shellie, Panz, Emzzie, JenJenxx, Jools, Mickey, Natalie, Cynthia, don't think about it, ally, reviewer, Mariana, Jen, Sarah, Alyson and Lauren. They're always appreciated! Special thanks to Sunny, Shellie and Lauren for being so supportive.**

**This one is a little different, I'm not sure about how it's turned out. I added some family time to it. Let me know what you think! **

**The Blaze of Glory**

Kirsten was sat at the kitchen table when Sandy arrived home from work. She lifted her head when she heard him come through the door.

"How was work?" Kirsten asked casually.

"Quiet," Sandy answered, putting his briefcase on the end of the kitchen island.

"Not getting many new clients, huh?"

Sandy shook his head, dejected, and Kirsten smiled sympathetically, seeing his frustration. "I guess it's gonna take time. You wait, they'll all come flocking to you and then you'll wish things were quiet again," Kirsten tried to comfort him.

Sandy smiled gratefully and wandered over to her. "So what are you…? Oh."

He stopped when he reached her, looking down at the table. The table was covered in pictures of Julie. Kirsten nodded.

"I know."

Sandy grimaced playfully. "Honey, what has life come to?"

Kirsten laughed. "It's for the magazine. I'm trying to think of ideas for articles."

"Do they all have to involve Julie?" Sandy teased.

"They would if Julie got her way," Kirsten said.

Sandy leaned down and left a kiss on her forehead, rubbing her back gently.

"You've been busy with the magazine recently," he commented.

"I know, I'm sorry. I didn't realise how much it was going to involve, on top of everything else at work," Kirsten apologised.

Sandy shrugged dismissively and Kirsten felt guilty. She watched him as he went to the fridge and pulled out a drink. Things still weren't back to normal. A tension hung between them, which they both tried to ignore and pretend didn't exist. Kirsten had thought that putting her wedding rings back on would make everything ok; that the gesture would reassure her enough to forgive him. They had grown closer since, but only physically: a kiss here, a hug there, but they weren't enough to make her forget what he had done. Her belief that things would get better over time was starting to fade. She believed him now when he said he was sorry, but she still had trouble trusting him. Whenever he spoke about clients, she always had a niggling feeling that he might be lying to her again. There was still a wall between them, like no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get back to how they used to be.

She knew Sandy felt it too. She would catch him staring at her and when their eyes met, she would see sadness. He would immediately shake it off and suggest that they spend time together, but she always found an excuse.

"You know, I have tomorrow morning free. I can put off some work and maybe we could spend some time together?" Kirsten suggested.

Sandy looked up, surprised. It felt like Kirsten had been avoiding spending time with him recently and he wasn't going to let this opportunity pass. "Really?"

Kirsten smiled as his face lit up. "Yeah. I'll even let you choose," she offered.

Sandy raised his eyebrows in delight. "Are you ready for that surfing lesson I've been promising?"

Kirsten laughed, shaking her head in amusement. He was as predictable as ever. "No."

"How about golf?"

Sandy saw her hesitate, as if she was actually considering it.

"Come on, it'll be fun," he urged her.

Kirsten wavered. She knew how much it would mean to Sandy if she said yes. She hated golf, but she felt like she owed him to make the effort.

"Sure, why not," Kirsten agreed lightly.

"Really!"

Kirsten couldn't help but laugh at his excitement. "Ask me that again and I might change my mind," she teased.

Sandy walked over to her and kissed the top of her head. "It'll be fun, I promise."

It was crazy, but Sandy felt like he missed his wife. Even when they were in the same room, she felt distant from him. He guessed that she was still upset over Rebecca, but she was gone now and Sandy was back. He didn't know what else he could do to make things right, except give her time.

They were interrupted by Seth and Ryan, who came into the kitchen from the poolhouse. Sandy and Kirsten watched in amusement as they were ignored, as the boys grabbed armfuls of snacks and drinks.

"Evening, fellas," Sandy said, his voice teasing.

"Hey Sandy."

"Hey Dad."

They barely turned their heads towards him as they greeted him.

"How was school?" Sandy asked.

"Fine."

"Good."

They kept moving around the kitchen.

"Done your homework?"

"Yep."

"Uh huh."

"Did you hear about the alien spaceship that landed in the middle of the school field?"

"No."

"Nope."

Kirsten dropped her head as she giggled. Sandy raised his eyebrows, waiting for them to react.

Ryan lifted his head first. "Wait…what?"

"You heard him. Spaceships. School field. Ignore him, Ryan, he's trying to be funny," Seth tilted his head and sent a mocking smile towards his father.

"Well, your mother thinks I'm funny," Sandy defended.

Kirsten grunted next to him.

"So are you boys ok? Life going well?" Sandy asked, hoping to get more of an answer from them this time.

"Uh, yeah, I guess," Ryan answered.

"Well, Summer loves me, I'm beating Ryan at the ninja game and I scored an A on my English test," Seth said enthusiastically. "So _I_ am _great_!"

"How very narcissistic of you, son," Sandy laughed, the differences between the two boys apparent.

"Have you heard from Lindsey recently?" Ryan asked Kirsten quietly, leaning against one of the chairs.

"I had an email from her a couple of days ago. You?" Kirsten asked cautiously. Lindsey hadn't mentioned Ryan in her email and she wasn't even sure if they were keeping in touch.

"Same," Ryan answered.

He paused and Kirsten could see him thinking. She waited patiently until he was ready to talk again.

"She seems to be happy?"

It was more of a question than a statement and Kirsten smiled sadly. "Yeah, I think she is."

Ryan nodded, knowing he wasn't the only one who wished that things had turned out differently.

"You ok?" Kirsten asked.

Ryan shrugged. "Yeah," he answered unconvincingly.

"Come on, Ryan, man. I have more ass-whooping to do tonight," Seth slapped his hand on Ryan's back.

Ryan offered Kirsten half a smile as Seth dragged him back out to the poolhouse.

"Well, I'm gonna go have a shower," Sandy announced.

Kirsten nodded silently, turning her head towards him.

"So, golf tomorrow?" Sandy asked.

Kirsten smiled and nodded. "Golf. Tomorrow."

She lifted her face up to him and Sandy used the opportunity to drop a kiss on her lips. Kirsten's eyes followed him as he walked down the hallway, watching him disappear around the corner to their bedroom. Maybe golf would be another step towards going back to normal.

Maybe.


	17. The Brothers Grim

**I'm sorry for the lack of updates. I had exams, then my laptop died (soon to be replaced!) and then I went on holiday. I'm going to work really hard on this story over the summer to get it finished.**

**Thank you to Shellie, Sunny, Mickey, Alicia, beachtree, JenJenxx, Lauren, Jen, Natalie, Cynthia, Becky, Emzzie, Ally, Lauren, Kirsten's Joy, Anna and Christine for you reviews of the last chapter. I always appreciate them!**

**The Brothers Grim**

Kirsten came into the house from outside and paused in the door when she spied Sandy on the sofa. Caleb had taken a distraught Julie home; they had finally said goodbye to their last guest; and the caterers had packed up and gone. Leaning against the doorframe, Kirsten stared at the back of Sandy's head, her mind elsewhere.

Her mind on Carter Buckley.

It wasn't the first time that Carter had passed through her thoughts. He often played on her mind, even when she was in the company of her husband. It confused her; scared her, even.

Julie had noticed. Was she really developing feelings for Carter, like Julie said she was? Kirsten could try to pretend the answer was no, but if she looked deep enough she knew that was a lie. But why? Life had gone back to "normal" since Rebecca had gone. There was no longer any reason for her and Sandy to be fighting – and they weren't.

She had avoided Sandy and Carter meeting for as long as she could, but she couldn't keep them apart forever and they had met tonight. And they had got along well. Of course they did, they were so similar in so many ways. Was that the attraction of Carter? He reminded her of Sandy?

Then Carter had seen Julie's teasing. Embarrassment coursed though Kirsten's body even now as she remembered. Carter had blamed himself, telling her that any 'vibes' were coming from him. Vibes? What did that mean?

Kirsten closed her eyes, tired of the confusion, of feeling this way; tired of so many unanswered questions. She was too old for silly games. She was a married woman. But there was no arguing that her marriage had been fractured by everything that had happened since last September and it felt like no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't find their way back to where they used to be.

Kirsten sighed and Sandy turned, hearing her behind him.

"Hey," he greeted her.

"Hey," Kirsten said softly.

She came through the kitchen to the family room and sat down on the sofa next to him.

"It was quite a night, huh?" Sandy laughed.

"It wasn't exactly the way we planned to launch the magazine," Kirsten moaned. "Newport Living is supposed to _improve_ the company's reputation, not drag it down even further."

Sandy rested his arm across the back of the sofa, running his hand through Kirsten's hair.

"Don't worry about it. There'll be another scandal tomorrow which will grab everyone's attention," Sandy tried to reassure her.

"I hope so," Kirsten sighed, wearily.

"Did you dad take Julie home?" Sandy asked.

Kirsten nodded. "He promised her a trip to Paris. I can't believe how good he's been about it."

"I can only assume that he hasn't watched the video, because I'm not sure his heart could take it," Sandy chuckled.

Kirsten arched her eyebrows. "You've _watched_ it?"

Sandy blushed. "Some of it. For work purposes…" he mumbled. It had been the most unpleasant experience of Sandy's life and one that he never wanted to repeat, he hoped Kirsten knew that.

Kirsten bit her lip to hide a smile, aware of the pained expression that Sandy wore. The short clip that had played tonight had been enough for Kirsten.

"So that's what you've been working on?" she asked.

Sandy looked up, trying to read the tone of her voice. Was that a hint of distrust he heard?

"Yeah."

He wanted to tell her that he would have told her if he could have, but she had heard that excuse too many times recently.

"So, Carter seems like a nice guy," Sandy commented, changing the subject.

It was Kirsten's turn to feel uncomfortable, feeling guilty at the mention of Carter's name.

"He is," Kirsten answered as casually as possible, avoiding Sandy's eye, hoping he wouldn't notice. She copied Sandy's trick and changed the subject. "So, where are the boys?"

"Seth's upstairs with Summer, I think. Ryan went out looking for Trey," Sandy said.

"Did something happen?" Kirsten asked, reading between the lines.

"I don't know. I think they're having a few teething problems, getting used to each other again," Sandy mused.

"Should we be worried? About Ryan?" Kirsten asked. "I mean, I know you think we should help Trey – I get that and I agree. But not if it's going to affect Ryan. He has to be our main concern."

"He is," Sandy agreed. "But I also think we should trust Ryan about this. He knows Trey, we don't."

Kirsten nodded, trusting Sandy's judgment. "Ok. And Ryan would come to us, right? If he had a problem?"

"I hope so," Sandy said. "You know, picking Trey up from prison brought it all back – the day I met Ryan, bringing him home. He's come a long way since then."

Kirsten smiled as she remembered too. She remembered how hesitant she had been about inviting Ryan into the family; now she couldn't imagine the family without him.

"So now that the magazine has been launched, does that mean I get to spend some more time with you?" Sandy asked, his hand grazing her hair again.

"No more golf?" Kirsten asked.

"No more golf," Sandy promised.

Kirsten smiled at him. She knew she had been distracted by the magazine – and Carter. "Ok."

They heard the sound of the front door and turned to see Ryan, Marissa and Trey walking down the corridor. They both greeted the kids with "hey".

"You guys were gone a while. Everything ok?" Sandy asked.

"Fine," Trey answered.

"Yeah, nothing to report," Ryan said, putting his hand on Trey's shoulder.

"How was the party?" Marissa asked.

Kirsten and Sandy both hesitated before answering. That was not going to be an easy one for Julie to explain to her daughter.

"Good," Sandy said.

"Uneventful," Kirsten followed, looking towards Sandy.

Seth and Summer appeared down the hallway and followed the others into the family room.

"Hey you guys," Seth greeted them.

"Hey," Sandy said.

"Great party, ok?" Seth teased.

"Well, if you're hungry, we've got leftovers," Sandy said, pointing to the food on the table in front of him.

The kids settled on the seats around the table.

"Look, Dad, we're all having a family dinner," Seth said.

"Well, how about that, look at that," Sandy said, leaning back on the sofa. "Now, this is not so painful."

"I gotta tell you, it seems pretty great," Trey said.

"Yeah? Wait until the novelty wears off, right Ryan?" Seth said.

"You know what? Still works for me," Ryan said.

"That's very…" Seth started, but was cut off by Summer's hand, shutting him up.

Sandy watched as his family, plus a few extras, conversed around him. It pleased him to know that they were happy in his house. Kirsten watched too, hoping that the feeling she had right now – the feeling of being surrounded by her family – would help her fight whatever was growing inside of her.


	18. The Risky Business

**Thank you to Kylie, Anna, JenJenxx, Mickey, beachtree, Sunny, Jen and Lauren for your reviews of the last chapter.**

**The Risky Business**

Sandy could hear Seth and Ryan talking quietly as he came into the kitchen. They fell silent when he appeared, looking up with guilty expressions.

"I don't know what you kids were up to, but I'm betting it had something to do with Trey," Sandy said, looking between the two boys.

"He sings, he surfs, _and_ he reads minds," Seth said quietly.

"And it's still not enough to get you to talk to me," Sandy sighed, frustrated. "The next time something happens, come to me."

Sandy looked at Seth, who nodded, and then at Ryan, before leaving them. Wearily, he made his way to the bedroom where he found Kirsten sat at the table, polishing her new tea set. She looked up when she heard him, noticing his sad face.

"Hey. Are you ok?" she asked, concerned.

Sandy shrugged as he pulled off his tie. He kissed the top of her head, sitting down at the table with her.

"What was going on tonight?" Kirsten asked.

"I don't know. The boys are keeping this one close to their chests," Sandy said, clearly dejected.

Kirsten knew how much it upset him when their sons refused to confide in him. She ran her hand down his arm comfortingly.

"I'm guessing it had something to do with Trey and the crystal egg?" Kirsten said.

"Was it that obvious?"

Kirsten raised her eyebrows. "The boys disappearing? Marissa and Summer volunteering to assist? Summer selling her shoes; Trey and Zach selling _themselves_? And who has ever heard of a blind auction?"

Kirsten couldn't help but smile at how ridiculous it had been.

"I'd say there was _definitely_ something going on."

"Why don't they come and talk to us, instead of keeping all these secrets?" Sandy sighed.

Kirsten felt a pang of guilt. She knew she hadn't been around enough since Trey's arrival…since _Carter's_ arrival. She also knew she was just as guilty for keeping secrets right now.

"Because they're teenagers, I guess," Kirsten tried to placate him.

"Maybe I made a mistake, inviting Trey back here. I'm not sure Ryan ever wanted him here. Maybe he's gonna be a bad influence after all," Sandy mused.

"Sandy, we gave Trey a chance. Just like we did for Ryan, and it wasn't exactly a smooth ride then, was it? I don't like Trey's influence any more than you do, but I think you were right. I think we should let Ryan deal with it," Kirsten said.

Sandy nodded, amazed at how level-headed his wife could be sometimes. He was usually the one who had to appease her, but – just like when Ryan was in trouble with Oliver last year – when he needed it, she knew exactly what to say.

"When did you get so wise?"

Kirsten smiled gently. "Years of being married to you," she answered fondly.

Sandy relaxed in his chair, comforted.

"So, uh…thank you for MC-ing this thing tonight," Kirsten said bashfully.

"Just a figurehead, huh?" Sandy said, amused.

"You never would have done it if I'd told you the truth," Kirsten defended.

"No," Sandy agreed, laughing.

"I'm sorry I misled you," Kirsten said.

"It doesn't matter," Sandy said, shaking his head. He leant in closer. "Don't tell anyone this, but I actually kinda enjoyed myself."

Kirsten let out a small laugh. "Your secret is safe with me. But I don't think Taryn's in a hurry to let you help out again."

"Really?"

"I think the phrase, _'annoying as hell'_ was used," Kirsten laughed.

"Well, she never got over the fact that I didn't spend new year with her last year," Sandy winked at her.

Kirsten laughed, remembering the swingers' party that Hailey had duped them into going to last year. She had been surprised and embarrassed to meet Taryn there. They hadn't spoken about it since Kirsten had told her that she'd ended up with her own husband. It had taken a moment for Taryn to understand, but when she realised that Kirsten and Sandy hadn't gone to the party to participate in the wife-swapping that was going on, she had blushed and made her excuses to end the conversation as quickly as possible. It had taken months for her to look Kirsten in the eyes after that.

Sandy's eyes swept over the tea set on the table in front of them. "So why _did_ you spend $5,000 on a tea set?"

"It was my mom's," Kirsten answered, smiling wistfully.

"I thought it looked familiar," Sandy said.

"I used to love this when I was younger. My mom used to keep it in this glass cabinet but I would always find the key, wherever she hid it, and I'd play with it with my dolls," Kirsten told him. "She used to get so mad at me."

She smiled sadly at the memory. It was times like this when she missed her mother the most: when life was tough. She wondered what her mom would have said about Lindsay; she wondered what advice her mom would have had when Rebecca was around; and she wondered what her mom's response would have been about her growing feelings for Carter. Kirsten missed her. She missed talking to her and confiding in her. No-one had been able to take her place after she died – not Sandy, not Julie, not any of the Newpsies.

Sandy noticed her sadness and leant it, leaving a kiss on her temple.

"How about you and me spend some time together next weekend, just the two of us? Can you tear yourself away from Carter and the magazine?"

Kirsten immediately tensed up. Even when things were better between her and Sandy, like now, she was still drawn to Carter, no matter how much she denied it. She pulled away from Sandy slightly and smiled half-heartedly.

"Yeah, maybe," she offered in a non-committal way.

She stood up, bending down to kiss Sandy's cheek before picking up the tea set.

"I'm gonna go find a place for this," she said.

Sandy watched her leave the room. He felt her resistance, not understanding it. Sometimes it felt like they had fallen into their old ways; and other times the distance between them was too apparent.

He sighed. It seemed like no-one was talking to him these days.


	19. The Rager

**Thank you to Mickey, Sunny, JenJenxx, Kazzie, Jen, Lauren, beachtree, don't think about it, Sarah, Anna, storymom, Shellie, Emz, Cynthia, Kirsten's Joy, Mariana and SoCalGirl3 for all the reviews you left. I appreciate them all so much.**

**I've sucked at dealing with Kirsten/Carter up until now because, to be honest, I've been avoiding it! I hope this chapter makes up for it. I am now going to find myself a serious ****Kandy**** fix.**

**The Rager**

Kirsten sat at the top of the kitchen table, an almost-empty glass of wine cradled in her hand. She could see the back of Seth's head from where he sat on the sofa, distracting himself with the playstation. His curls were wet from the shower she had made him take when he had arrived home, cold from jumping into the pool to pull out Jess. Ryan had finally stopped pacing and he now sat despondently in one of the chairs as he waited for more news on his brother. She had no words of comfort for them right now, her mind too muddled from the mix of emotions and alcohol that intoxicated her. So instead they sat in silence, the air thick with anxiety.

As promised, Sandy had called Kirsten earlier from the police station, but with little news. They were just about to interview Trey and he didn't know how long it would take, leaving the rest of them waiting impatiently at home.

Kirsten traced her fingertip along the rim of the glass, catching her reflection. She stared at herself for a moment, before reaching for the wine and filling the glass again, hiding her face. She brought the glass to her lips, inhaling the aroma that rose, before taking a drink. She felt the cool liquid run through her body and it eased the tension she felt. She closed her eyes and sighed, exhausted from the evening's events. It wasn't the trouble with Trey – she trusted Sandy to fix that. She had pretty much left him to deal with Trey since he had arrived, too distracted with the magazine to notice what was going on in her own house. No, it wasn't Trey.

It was Carter.

She took another mouthful of wine as Carter's face imprinted itself in her mind, hoping the alcohol would wash it away. It wasn't that she didn't like Carter – it was the opposite. She liked him too much; more than a wife and mother should. She enjoyed his company and she liked the way he made her laugh. She liked the way she felt when she was around him. He made her feel _alive_. Over the past year, she had felt herself shrinking. She wasn't the same woman that she had been before, the year's events had taken their toll. But Carter hadn't been around to witness them. He hadn't seen her break down over the loss of her sons last summer; he hadn't seen her throw a vase at her father's head when she'd learnt about his affair seventeen years earlier; he hadn't seen her crack when Sandy had abandoned her for his ex-girlfriend.

With Carter, she could be someone else – whoever she wanted to be. With Carter, she was free from everything that had threatened to bring her down. With Carter, there were no awkward silences as they learnt how to be around each other again. With Carter, she didn't have to try so hard.

He was fast becoming part of her life beyond the office. Their conversations were no longer limited to Newport Living or Julie's latest idea; their time together was no longer spent always pouring over photographs and articles.

He was friends with her husband. Kirsten didn't like the thought of Sandy and Carter being friends, she found the concept strange. Her husband and…who? What was Carter to her now? He was her friend. _Her_ friend. Was she really jealous of sharing him with other people?

Sandy's suggestion of setting Carter up with Erin had been met with a lukewarm response, but he hadn't noticed. She had denied the awkwardness to Carter, but inside she felt it. She hated the way that they looked at each other and flirted with each other. She had hated the way the sparks had flown between them over dinner. She had played the gracious host, of course, but inside it was burning her.

She had even interfered, telling Erin about his ex-wife in a feeble attempt to scare her off. It had appeared to work too and she couldn't help but feel satisfaction. She didn't want someone else grabbing Carter's attention.

Watching them together had made her feel sick with jealousy; and the jealousy had made her feel sick with guilt. Because she knew she shouldn't have these feelings.

But she did.

And there seemed to be nothing that she could do about it.

She finished the glass of wine and reached for the bottle, pausing when she heard the sound of the front door and the soft thud of footsteps through the house. Ryan was up and out of his seat, firing questions at Sandy the second he set foot in the kitchen. Sandy answered them with the information he had: Trey had been kept in custody overnight and Sandy would go back the next morning; he would most likely be charged with dealing drugs and it was going to mean serious trouble.

_'More trouble than __Sandy__ could get him out of,'_ Kirsten guessed by the look of defeat on his face. She could see his exhaustion.

She pushed away the bottle of wine and stood up, only noticing now how much she had had to drink as she swayed slightly on her feet. Her hands reached for the table and she steadied herself. No-one noticed.

"Listen, guys, there's nothing else we can do tonight. Why don't you try and get some sleep, and we'll figure out a plan tomorrow," Kirsten suggested.

Her voice carried with its usual authoritative note. Ryan nodded, thanking Sandy before making his way to the poolhouse. Seth shuffled out of the kitchen towards the stairs. Sandy smiled appreciatively, walking over to embrace her. She felt her body tense up as he slid his arm around her back and kissed her temple, feeling guilty for having all these thoughts while he had been out, protecting their family once again.

"You look tired, you should get some sleep," Kirsten said softly.

"You don't look so great yourself, are you ok?" Sandy asked, lifting her chin up to face him.

Kirsten pulled away from him, feeling her face flush. "I'm fine. Just tired," she lied.

"Well, I'm gonna go and take a shower," Sandy said. "I'll meet you in bed?"

Kirsten nodded, avoiding eye contact with him as she pretended to gaze over the kitchen. "Yeah. I'll just clean up here first."

Sandy nodded and left her alone in the kitchen. Kirsten reached for the bottle of wine and poured the last few drops into her glass. She stared at it for a moment, the light shining off the crystal and catching her eye, before drinking it in one mouthful. It numbed her thoughts and she was grateful.

She walked over to the sink to clean the glass, dropping the empty bottle into the bin as she passed it. She moved wearily through the kitchen and down the corridor that led to her bedroom, hoping that sleep would come quickly and hoping that she had enough alcohol inside her to quash her dreams. She didn't want to see the images of her life flash before her as she tried to sleep.

Tonight, she wanted to feel nothing.


	20. The OC Confidential

**Oh, Billy Campbell, why did you have to mess with Kirsten's head? And why did you have to grow that horrendous beard? Because if it wasn't for these things, I would have loved you.**

**A big thanks to Sunny, Kazzie, Mariana, Lauren, JenJenxx, Lauren, Natalie, Cynthia, storymom, Christine, Shellie, Ally and Panz for your reviews of the last chapter!**

**I found ****Sandy****'s thoughts/feelings really hard to write, so I hope you like it! Big thanks to Sunny for her help and suggestions. Please keep reviewing!**

**The OC Confidential**

Sandy returned home to an empty house, weary from the evening's events. He dropped the car keys on the table in the hallway, stretching his neck to try and relieve some of the tension he felt. He checked the phone for messages, in case Kirsten had called again, but there was nothing.

The house was eerily silent. Ryan was driving Trey and Marissa home, while Seth was obviously still out at his comic book meeting. Kirsten was still in Featherbrook, an unplanned overnight trip. Sandy contemplated staying up until Seth got home, knowing he should really wait and speak to his son, to catch up on what was going on in his life. He felt a yawn creeping up inside of him and knew it was no use. Sighing heavily, he padded down the hall to his bedroom, stripping himself of his clothes quickly and climbing into bed.

He had always thought the bed was too big for one, but more recently it had felt too small for the two of them. The distance between them had been growing over time, but it was only more recently that he had really felt it. The way she no longer fell into his arms when he entered a room; the way she edged away from him when he was close; the way she avoided spending time alone with him. There was always an excuse, and it was usually work: the Newport Group or, more recently, the magazine.

Sandy recognised that the past year had strained their marriage: the boys leaving for the summer, Caleb and Lindsey, Rebecca. He had messed up with Rebecca, he knew that; but he had apologised and they had tried to move on. But instead of moving forwards together, Sandy felt like they were growing apart and he was left with a feeling of hopelessness. He didn't know what else to say or do to appease his wife. He couldn't change what had happened; a part of him didn't want to change what had happened. He had needed closure with Rebecca, and that was what he had got. But what he hadn't wanted was to destroy his marriage in the process.

Sandy shuddered, despite being under the thick sheets. _Was that what he had done?_

His mind couldn't help but wander to thinking about Kirsten and Carter in Featherbrook. Trey's words were echoing in his mind:

_"I don't know too many men who'd let their wives spend the night with another guy, no less suggest it."_

It wasn't that he didn't trust Kirsten – he did. But he was anxious. He had brushed aside Trey's comment, but Sandy wasn't sure he was convinced of his own words.

_"How many men you know been married for twenty years?"_

But twenty years hadn't stopped the cracks from appearing; twenty years hadn't prevented them from reaching this point. He had always been able to guess what Kirsten was thinking, they had always been so in tune with each other. A simple look would tell him what she was feeling. But not any more; and it was now he wished he knew what thoughts were filling her mind.

He trusted her; she had never lied or cheated before. Except she had. He remembered last year, when he had discovered that Jimmy had kissed her. She had kept it a secret from him, telling him that she didn't want to upset him. She had looked him in the eye and told him that nothing had happened, but it had and she was lying to him. He remembered how upset and angry he had been when he had found out the truth: upset because his wife's lips had touched someone else's and angry that she had lied to him.

Both Kirsten and Jimmy had reassured him that it was Jimmy who instigated the kiss, and Sandy believed them. Kirsten had never done anything to make him doubt her words and Sandy realised that all he could do right now was trust her. She deserved that.

Sandy yawned again, feeling sleep take over his body. As he closed his eyes, he wondered what she was doing right now.

Kirsten was sat silently in the back of the car. She had listened to Carter make small talk with the driver until he had fallen silent himself. They had barely spoken since they had left the hotel room, an awkwardness falling between them.

She wondered if Carter knew how close she had come…how close she had come to cheating on her husband; because _she_ knew. Kirsten knew that if she had stayed at Featherbrook with Carter, she would have broken every bond of trust that had ever existed between her and Sandy.

That thought scared her. She had been strong enough to resist tonight, but what about the future? Would she always be able to say no? She had told Carter that she _needed_ to go home – but did she _want_ to?

She thought about home: about Sandy; about Seth and Ryan. Her family; her boys. The love that she had for the three of them combined had stopped her from acting on her feelings for Carter tonight. She wondered if the love she had for Sandy alone would have stopped her and immediately felt nauseas as guilty coursed through her body.

Kirsten wished she could turn back time to last year, before Ryan had left and Seth had run away; before Lindsey; before Rebecca and Carter. She wanted to go back to the days when she and Sandy would argue over his lack of romanticism for Valentine's Day or his over enthusiasm for leaving Newport to return to Berkeley. She wanted to go back to the days when it was just Kirsten and Sandy. Not Kirsten, Sandy and Rebecca; or Kirsten, Sandy and Carter. But she couldn't go back to her old life, she was stuck with this one.

And in this life there was Carter.

Kirsten was glad when the view of Newport appeared round the corner, breaking her thoughts. She watched the familiar scenery that they passed, relieved when the car finally pulled up outside her house. Carter was the first one out the car and he opened her door like a gentleman. Kirsten barely lifted her head as she bade him goodnight.

"I'll see you at work on Monday," Kirsten said softly.

Carter nodded. "Goodnight Kirsten."

Kirsten crept quietly into the house, assuming that everyone was in bed and asleep. She made her way to her bedroom and saw the familiar form of her husband sleeping. The light from the hallway shone into the room onto Sandy's face and he stirred.

"You're home?" were the first words he spoke, his voice filled with surprise.

"Uh, yeah. They, uh, they found us a car and it seemed silly to stay when we could just come home," Kirsten mumbled, feeling her heart race under his gaze. She disappeared into the bathroom and splashed cold water over her face. She stared at herself in the mirror, willing herself to calm down.

"Kirsten?"

Sandy's voice floated into the bathroom.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, just getting changed," Kirsten called back. She changed slowly into her pyjamas and wandered back into the bedroom. Sandy was now propped up in bed, waiting for her.

"How was Featherbrook?" Sandy asked.

Kirsten felt her face blush and she was glad that the room was dark. "It was good. Work, you know. How did everything go with Trey?"

"It's all over. The kids found out who supplied the drugs at the party and the police arrested him tonight," Sandy answered, noting her cagey answer and immediate change of subject.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Well, it was a bit more eventful than just that. But Trey is out of trouble," Sandy said, his eyes following her as she moved around the bedroom.

"That's good," Kirsten smiled half-heartedly.

She climbed carefully into the bed, curling up with her back to Sandy. He slipped his arm around his waist. Kirsten flinched slightly at his touch, but he didn't seem to notice.

"I'm glad you're home," Sandy whispered into the dark. Glad she was home with him; glad she wasn't staying out overnight with someone else.

"Me too," Kirsten whispered back, wishing she meant it.


	21. The Return of the Nana

**Thank you to Mickey, Sunny, Natalie, Em, Andy Panddy, Jen, stephoc, JenJenxx, Fighting-this-War, kandylover, Ally, Cynthia, Lauren, Ansy Pansy and Kylie for your reviews of the last chapter. I'm determined to finish this fic before season 3 starts, so hopefully the next update should come quickly!**

**The Return of the Nana**

"Pack your bags, we're going to Miami," Sandy declared and he stalked out of the kitchen.

Kirsten shot Ryan an amused look, as he sat looking baffled at the kitchen island, and shuffled out the kitchen after Sandy. She caught up with him in the bedroom where he had already started pulling clothes for the trip. Shirts, t-shirts and trousers came flying out of the closet and Kirsten ducked past the door as she settled on the bed, her legs crossed and her coffee mug nestle in her hands.

"So who is the unfortunate man?"

"His name's Bobby."

"Where's he from?"

"I don't know."

"Where did she meet him?"

"I don't know."

"Well, what does he do?"

"I don't know."

"Has he been married before?"

"I don't know."

Kirsten rolled her eyes. It was typical of a man not to get the essential gossip straight away.

"Look, you can ask my mom all those questions when we get there," Sandy said, exasperated by all the questions.

Kirsten's heart sank. A weekend with Sophie Cohen? Oy.

"Actually…" Kirsten paused as Sandy's head appeared from the closet. He didn't like what he heard in her tone.

Kirsten felt guilt tear through her as he looked at her expectantly, but she couldn't pretend. She didn't want to go.

"I don't think I can come this weekend," she finished. She saw the mixture of surprise and sadness in his face. "I'm sorry, but I've got work to do, plus there's the magazine. It's just a busy weekend."

It was a lie. The next edition of Newport Living had already been sent to the printers and she had cleared the pile of work that sat on her desk.

The thought of spending the weekend under the glare of the Nana made Kirsten shudder. She would see immediately that things weren't right between her son and his wife, and Kirsten could only imagine the pleasure she would take from it. There were also the usual snide comments that she would be on the receiving end of, which Kirsten was just too exhausted to take right now.

Miami offered a weekend of awkwardness and pretence, just like every day at home. Newport offered peace and quiet, her own bed and no mother-in-law. It also offered Carter and Kirsten realised that she would rather spend the weekend working with Carter than in Miami with Sandy.

"Are you sure?" Sandy's pleading voice interrupted her thoughts. "I really want you to come."

Kirsten felt even more guilty as she shook her head remorsefully.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

Sandy nodded, accepting her excuse, but he wasn't sure how much he believed her. He knew that she was busier than ever at work, especially with the magazine, but he saw the reluctance in her face and wondered how much it had to do with work and how much it had to do with _him_.

Sandy had hoped that a weekend away from Newport would help them, that it was what they needed to get them back on track; but he knew that he would be distracted for most of the weekend by his mother and her new fiancé. He guessed that Kirsten was also reluctant to spend the weekend with his mother given their tempestuous relationship.

"Maybe, next weekend, me and you could take a trip somewhere? When you're less busy," Sandy suggested hopefully.

Kirsten smiled awkwardly. If there was anything she wanted less than a weekend with the Nana, it was a weekend alone with Sandy, when there would be no opportunity to escape the inevitable conversation about _them_…about what was going wrong.

Because there _was_ something wrong.

"Sure," Kirsten agreed eventually.

Sandy disappeared back into the closet, apparently satisfied with her answer. On either side of the closet door, Sandy and Kirsten let out identical sighs, both exhausted from the effort that it took to have a normal conversation these days. It felt like they were stuck – stuck in a maze of deceit and pretence, with no idea how to get out.

* * *

Kirsten hung her head as the vodka seeped into her blood quickly. She smiled slightly to herself. Vodka worked so much faster than wine. She reached for the bottle, which was already half empty, and poured herself another glass.

_One more glass wouldn't hurt, would it?_

_Who would care anyway?_

She was alone. Physically, mentally – it didn't matter. She was _alone_. She had watched someone else walk out of her life tonight; someone else had left her.

_Was it her? Did she keep doing something to deserve it?_

First it was Ryan, going back to Chino to be with Teresa and the baby; then Seth, running away from the home that she had tried so hard to build for him; and then Sandy, the one person she trusted most in the world, had left her too.

Now Carter was gone – the person who made her feel less alone, the person who made each day bearable.

She ran her fingers over her chin which was still tingling from the bristles of his beard that had felt coarse against her soft skin. She smiled ruefully, remembering the time she had teased him that no woman would want to kiss him with that beard. Carter had argued that it made him look more manly and Kirsten had laughed. He had refused to shave after that just to make his point.

She had kissed another man tonight. Another man who wasn't her husband. She hated herself for it. She had never wanted to be _that person_ – the person her dad had been when he'd had an affair; the person Sandy had become when Rebecca was around.

But she couldn't deny that she hadn't wanted it. Wasn't that the reason she had stayed home instead of going to Miami? As soon as the boys had left, she had called the office craving company – craving _his_ company. She had been excited by the prospect of spending the weekend working with him.

When he dropped the bombshell that he was leaving, she had pretended to be happy for him – of course she was – but, selfishly, she was disappointed too. She didn't want him to leave; she didn't want him to leave _her_.

She looked around the kitchen at the effort she had made to entertain him – the catered food that she had pretended to cook herself, the candles, the wine. Her eyes struggled to focus, blurred by the alcohol, as they rested on a wine bottle. She remembered the way her body had trembled when his hand had touched hers, helping her open the bottle. No man had made her react like that since Sandy. She had looked down at their hands, but the truth had reflected up at them – reflected off the three rings she wore on the third finger of her left hand. Her wedding rings; the rings that tied her to Sandy.

Carter had told her tonight that he had almost turned down his new job because of her. But deep down, both of them had known that this was the end; that it wouldn't – and couldn't – go any further than the single kiss they shared.

Kirsten ran her fingers lightly over her lips, allowing herself to reminisce until the shrill of the telephone interrupted her thoughts. She turned, stumbling over her own feet in a drunken haze. The glass slipped from her hand and smashed on the floor. The answer-machine came on and Kirsten heard her own voice echo across the kitchen. She waited, listening for a message. Sandy's voice came through the speaker.

"Kirsten? It's me. I was just calling to check in, make sure you're ok on your own…"

Kirsten frowned. _She was always on her own, why should this weekend be any different?_

"…Things with my mom didn't go so well. Turns out Bobby was more interested in her savings. But she's ok, I think…"

Kirsten smiled cruelly. _So even the Nana was losing her touch?_

"…Anyway, I should go. I just wanted to talk, that's all. I…I miss you, I wish you were here. Call me when you get home, let me know you're ok. I love you."

Kirsten grimaced when she heard those words. He loved her. He missed her. He needed her, and she wasn't there. She reached for the phone quickly to catch him before he hung up.

"Sandy?"

She only heard the dial tone.

Leaning against the island, Kirsten felt tears pricking up in her eyes and they started to fall down her cheeks. She shook them off, rubbing her cheeks roughly.

No, she wasn't going to cry for them. They had all left her, in one way or another. She looked around her at the messy kitchen – the dirty dishes, the unwashed plates, the broken glass. The only thing Kirsten saw was emptiness.

She stood up straight and walked across the kitchen, ignoring the mess and blocking out the emptiness.

She opened the cupboard and reached for another glass.


	22. The Showdown

**A big thank you to Kylie, Mariana, Cynthia, Mickey, Emz, Carlie, JenJenxx, Christine, Steph, Fighting-This-War, Lauren and Jen for leaving quick reviews! I promised a quick update. I'm not totally happy with the hospital part, but my beta is on holiday (how rude!) so you're stuck with only my judgement! **

**The Showdown**

Kirsten watched as the bartender poured her another martini. Her whole body ached with exhaustion: exhausted because she had a slept in a drunken slumber last night; exhausted because she was tired of fighting; exhausted because she felt so drained all the time. Exhausted because she couldn't see a way out of the mess she had found herself in.

Her only comfort right now was the dumb feeling that alcohol gave her. It dulled the pain and stopped her from thinking too much. She wanted to remember the happier times – the smiles and the laughter, the teasing, the kisses, the times they had said _'I love you'_; but whenever she closed her eyes, all she saw were the angry faces and the harsh words, the arguments, the secrets and the lies. So she drank to take them away.

_How had everything got so bad? Why had she let things come this far?_

Her eyes dropped to her wedding rings. It used to be that whenever she looked at them, Sandy was with her – no matter where she was, she always had a piece of him with her. They were connected. Now, there was a wall between them and she felt like she couldn't reach him.

But she wanted to. That was what she realised, as she sat alone at the bar. She didn't want to be alone any more. Carter had filled the gap for a while, but he was gone now and she couldn't use him to make her feel better. Sandy had been there for the past twenty years, and just like after Rebecca had gone, Kirsten felt like those twenty years weren't enough. All the promises they had made each other only a few months ago still meant something to her, and she hoped they still meant something to Sandy.

Kirsten ran her finger over her wedding rings. He had chosen her. And now she chose him.

She reached up and unclasped the necklace from around her neck, laying it gently on the bar. She had to let Carter go. She paused, her lips curling regretfully, before walking away.

She had to go home.

* * *

Sandy was driving in the dark, his eyes scanning every car park and every side street, hoping to see a glimpse of Kirsten's car. Her words were repeating in his head, over and over: _"You left me!"_

His insides churned as he still heard the pain in her voice as she spoke them. For the past twenty years it had always been the two of them – the two of them against the world, that's what they had always said. But recently they had been living on their own; they had been fighting their battles alone. They had tried to pretend, but it wasn't working any more.

It had started with Seth and Ryan leaving for the summer. She had closed herself off from her and he had done nothing but wait for it to pass. Then Caleb's affair had been discovered and he had kept it from, bound by client confidentiality. And then Rebecca had come along and he had dealt with it so badly. He couldn't change what had happened, and he wasn't sure that if he could do it again, he would do it any differently – because he needed closure with Rebecca. But when Rebecca had gone, he had done nothing but wait again – wait for Kirsten to forgive him, wait for their marriage to find itself again. He kicked himself for not doing more, for not fighting harder to show her how much he loved her.

He only hoped he wasn't too late. It was late and dark and she was out there somewhere, questioning his feelings. He needed to find her, he needed to reassure her.

He also knew she had been drinking. She had always enjoyed her drink, but this was different. It wasn't just that she had moved from chardonnay to vodka, it was her reasons for doing it. Reasons he knew he was a part of.

His cell phone rang and he saw Kirsten's name flash. He snatched up his phone and answered it quickly.

"Hey, where are you?" Sandy asked immediately, worry etched in his voice.

There was a pause before Kirsten answered, her voice muffled by tears. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, honey, it was my fault. You were trying to tell me something and I…I wasn't listening," Sandy tried to reassure her. "Just tell me where you are and I'll come pick you up."

"I'm coming home," Kirsten told him, and Sandy grimaced. He wished she wasn't driving when he knew she'd been drinking.

"I thought I was losing you," Kirsten's voice cracked as she spoke.

Sandy felt his heart break at the sound of her voice. She sounded so desolate.

"No, that's never gonna happen," he promised her.

"I love you," Kirsten said, tears spilling from her eyes. It felt like she hadn't told him for such a long time.

"I love you too," Sandy replied. "Now pull over, and I'll come get you."

Kirsten was about argue, tell him that she was ok and would meet him at home, but the phone slipped from her clammy hands and fell onto the floor. She reached down to find it, missing the lights turn to red. A horn screamed at her and Kirsten looked up, slamming on the breaks just in time to miss colliding with another car. She leant back in her seat, her hands trembling and her body rigid, sighing with relief at how close she had come.

Another horn sounded. She turned her head to see a truck powering towards her. She gasped. She could do nothing – there was no time to move. The truck hit her car and everything went black.

* * *

Sandy knew as soon as he turned the corner and saw the wreckage. He felt his stomach flip inside of him, terror sweeping over every inch of his body. 

He pulled up, racing out of his car and towards the police rope. A fire truck was stood close by, dealing with the smashed car. Sandy could see the paramedics in the distance and he ducked under the tape, making his way towards them until he felt a hand on his chest, holding him back.

"I'm sorry, sir, you can't be here," a police officer stopped him.

"I think that's my wife," Sandy said, breathlessly, gesturing towards the ambulance.

"You think?" the police officer questioned.

"Yeah. I don't know, she's driving a rental car," Sandy said. _Why couldn't he remember the damn number plate?_

"We were on the phone, and then it went dead…please, let me go to her."

Sandy saw a mass of familiar blonde hair being put into the back of the ambulance and he begged again. "Please. _Please_."

"It's ok, let him pass," another police office came over. Sandy recognised him immediately from his days in the PD office, but his mind was too busy to remember his name. "Go ahead, Sandy."

"Thanks," Sandy nodded gratefully towards the officer and ran over to the ambulance. It started to pull away as he approached and he yelled for it to stop. It didn't. Sandy slowed to a halt, watching as they took his wife away from him.

He was too late.

* * *

Sandy arrived at the hospital a few minutes after the ambulance. His whole body trembled, scared of what might have happened to Kirsten. It was busy and he fought through the crowds to the reception desk. 

"Excuse me? Excuse me!" he called to get the attention of a nurse behind the desk. "My wife just got brought in here – Kirsten Cohen. Where is she?"

"Kirsten who?" the nurse question.

"Cohen. C-O-H-E-N."

"She was just brought in?" the nurse asked.

"Yes," Sandy answered impatiently. He was desperate to see her. "Can you tell me where she is? Is she ok?"

"If you'd like to take a seat, Mr Cohen, I'll find out what's going on for you," the nurse offered.

Sandy couldn't sit still for long enough, so he paced up and down the hallway wishing that someone would tell him what was going on. She had been drinking and driving. He kicked himself for letting her leave the house earlier, wishing he had stopped her before it got to this point. Everything was such a mess.

"Mr Cohen?"

The nurse he had spoken to earlier was calling to him. He rushed over.

"Kirsten? Did you find her? Is she ok?" Sandy fired the questions at her.

"Yes, I've located your wife. I can take you to her. She's resting now," the nurse said, leading Sandy down the hallway. They reached a room and she gestured for Sandy to go in. "The doctor will be in to talk to you shortly."

Sandy thanked her, his eyes locked on Kirsten's frame lying in the hospital bed. She looked so small. _When had she become so frail?_

He approached the bed cautiously. She looked sad even as she slept, but he was glad she was peaceful. Her left hand was bandaged and a bruise had already started to form on her forehead. He brushed away a loose strand of hair from her face, careful not to touch her bruise, but she stirred anyway.

"Hey," Sandy said gently.

Kirsten's eyes flickered open. As soon as she saw Sandy, they filled with tears.

"I'm so sorry," she cried softly.

Sandy hushed her, his hand running lightly over her tangled hair. "I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for not understanding sooner."

"I was so scared," Kirsten whispered.

"Me too, baby," Sandy said. He brushed her tears away with his fingertips. "I love you, you know that?"

Kirsten nodded, smiling groggily. "I love you too."

The door opened and Sandy turned to see the doctor coming into the room.

"Mr and Mrs Cohen? I'm Dr Andrews. Mrs Cohen, how are you feeling?" the doctor asked, accepting Sandy's handshake as he came towards the bed.

"Um, sore…tired," Kirsten answered, frowning.

"Well, you should try and rest. You sprained some fingers, but we've bandaged those up and they should heal within a few weeks. We're worried about your concussion so we'd like you to stay in the hospital for 24 hours under observation," Dr Andrews.

Kirsten looked up, her eyes pleading with him. "Can't I go home? Please? I just want to go home," she begged him.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Dr Andrews started.

"Please?" Kirsten interrupted.

The doctor started to waver and Sandy jumped in. "I'd be at home to keep an eye on her. I won't leave her alone."

Dr Andrews sighed. "Bed rest. Plenty of sleep and fluids," he instructed, pulling out his pad to write her a prescription. "These will help with the pain. Take it easy for the next few days."

"Thank you," Kirsten sighed gratefully.

The doctor nodded and left them alone again. Sandy turned to Kirsten. "I should go and call the boys, they'll be wondering where we are."

Kirsten nodded, stifling a yawn.

"You should get some sleep," Sandy said. He watched her as she closed her eyes again, falling back into a slumber.

"Hear that?" Sandy whispered to her as she slept. "I'm not leaving you alone again."


	23. The OSea

**Thank you to Panz, Mariana, Kazzie, sprchick123, Carlie, Mickey, Cynthia, Steph, JenJenxx, Fighting-this-War and Em for leaving reviews – you guys are awesome for reviewing so quickly! Only one more chapter left…then it's the new season! I'm so excited already! I hope you like this chapter, it's quite short. I'm looking forward to happier ****Kandy**** times in season 3. :) **

**The O.Sea**

_"He's dead. I am so sorry."_

_"He's dead."_

_"I am so sorry."_

_"Dead."_

_"Sorry."_

_"He's dead."_

_"Dead."_

The words echoed in her head and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to make it stop. She held her left hand close to her body, a dull throbbing pain distracting her momentarily from the aching pain she felt in her heart until she remembered again.

_"He's dead."_

Her right hand grasped the bottle of vodka. She knew that it would distract her for longer: ease the pain in her hand and ease the pain in her heart.

Kirsten entered the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. She opened the bottle and drank easily. She felt it burn her mouth, travelling down her throat and spreading through her body. It felt good. She drank again, the haunting image of her father's angry face slowly blurring as the alcohol had the desired effect. She collapsed onto the bed, curling her body into a ball.

_"If this family is screwed up, it's because of YOU!"_

_"I may like my chardonnay, but I'm not gonna die alone and that's more than I can say for YOU!"_

Why had she said those things?

She wished she could take them back, but she couldn't. She wished she could turn back time and never say those words, but she couldn't.

And now he was dead.

She heard Sandy's footsteps follow her up the hallway and into their bedroom. He paused in the doorway, watching her. She was calm and still, and it scared him more than if she had been crying and smashing vases.

"Kirsten?"

She didn't respond.

"Kirsten?"

He took a tentative step towards the bed and she curled up even tighter, away from him.

"Honey, please talk to me," Sandy said, walking around the bed and sitting by her feet, resting her hand on her thigh.

Kirsten pulled away from him, sitting up and hugging her knees to her chest. The bottle of vodka was cradled in her lap. Sandy reached for it and she pushed his hand away.

"Don't," Kirsten said coldly.

"Kirsten, please," Sandy pleaded.

Kirsten kept her eyes lowered, refusing to look at him. Sandy sighed, searching for the right words. It never used to be so hard, and it stung him to know that they had grown so far apart that she reached for the vodka for comfort instead of reaching for him. Caleb had accused him of using the 'softball approach' but Sandy had believed he was doing the right thing, that he knew how to help her – only now, he wasn't so sure.

Sandy snatched the bottle from her hands and placed it on the table by the bed. Kirsten glared at him but he held her stare defiantly.

"I told you, I don't need babysitting," Kirsten spat at him.

"Don't you?"

"What do you want me to do, Sandy? What do you want me to say?" Kirsten cried, exasperated.

"Say something…_anything_. But please, don't do this," Sandy said. "_Talk_ to me."

"Say something? What's the point, Sandy?" Kirsten exploded. "He's dead. My father is _dead_. I said enough _before_ he died, what's the point talking about it? I can't take it back, can I? I can't tell him I'm sorry. So what's the point?"

Sandy sat wide-eyed as she screamed at him. "Kirsten…"

"I should have talked to him; I should have apologised. But you…you stopped me," Kirsten stared accusingly at Sandy. "I wanted to see him tonight and you wouldn't let me go. Now it's too late."

"You're kidding me," Sandy was audibly shocked. "You're blaming me?"

"I…I need to blame _someone_," Kirsten said, her voice starting to break.

"Oh, honey," Sandy put his hand on her arm but she shrugged him off again, still angry.

"I should have said I'm sorry. I can't ever change that."

"And you think this is gonna help? By drinking?" Sandy questioned.

_'This wasn't his wife. This wasn't the woman he married,'_ he kept thinking.

"It's better," Kirsten said, frowning, her voice softening slightly.

"Better than what?" Sandy asked, wanting to understand why.

"Better than feeling like _this_," Kirsten answered, looking up at him. Her eyes were vacant and sad.

_This wasn't his wife._

Kirsten moved away from him, dropping her legs off the bed and pushing herself to standing with her right hand.

"Where are you going?" Sandy sighed, feeling defeated.

"To get dressed," Kirsten said, her voice turning hard again. "We should go…to the house."

She left Sandy alone in the bedroom. He heard the door to the bathroom close and he shut his eyes.

_What was he supposed to do? How could he help her?_

For once, Sandy didn't have the answers.

He opened his eyes and they settled on the table by the bed. The space where the vodka had been stood was now empty. He looked over his shoulder to the bathroom and sighed. He had tried asking, he had tried begging; now there was only one thing left to try.

But could he do it to her?


	24. The Dearly Beloved

**Thank you to Carlie, Mickey, skipper, Steph, Lauren, Em, Panz, JenJenxx, Sharkie2008, Cynthia and Marcy for your reviews!**

**So this is the end! I hope you like this last chapter. And just because it's the last chapter, doesn't mean you shouldn't hit the review button. :p **

**The Dearly Beloved**

Kirsten looked around the room that would be her home for…_for how long?_ She had never felt so scared. Everything she did was usually so meticulous, so organised; her whole life she had followed a plan – school, homecoming queen, college, a career, marriage, children. There had been some surprises along the way – Sandy was one; travelling around the country in the back of a mail truck had been another. Rehab had not been on the list though; it wasn't something she had _planned_, but it was something she had to face. That scared her. She was scared she wouldn't be able to do it; she was scared she would lose her husband and sons because of it. She was scared she wouldn't be able to change – that she wasn't strong enough.

Kirsten Cohen used to ooze confidence. She was smart and beautiful and her life was envied by so many. The past year had chipped away at her and she had become a lesser person. A part of her had become lost and Kirsten was scared she would never find it again.

It hurt her to know that it had taken an intervention by her family to get her here – physically here, at rehab, and mentally here, ready to allow someone to help her. She hadn't been strong enough to face her problems, instead she had hidden behind the alcohol – the summer without Seth and Ryan, the financial problems facing the Newport Group, Lindsey, Rebecca, Carter, her father…she had hidden from them all. She had pushed Sandy away, she had lost track of what was happening in her kids' lives and she had screamed terrible things at her father that she could never take back.

_'Was this rock bottom?'_ Kirsten wondered. _'Could things get any worse than this?'_

She hoped not. There wasn't a part of her body that didn't hurt right now. She wanted to be anywhere but here – anywhere but rehab, anywhere but alone. But was that really the truth? Was she really alone? It had always been her excuse but today had proven her wrong, hadn't it? Sandy, Hailey, Ryan, Seth – they had all been there, asking her to get help. Helping her to get help.

Sandy didn't want her to hurt herself anymore. His eyes had pleaded with her and she had resisted him once again. She blamed him for feeling so lonely, but when he reached out to her, she refused to accept it. The truth was, she missed him – she missed the way only he could make her feel, she missed the way he would look at her and she would feel like they were the only two people who existed. She wanted to get that feeling back.

Hailey had told her that if their positions had been reversed, she would be doing the same thing. And Hailey was right. Kirsten hadn't admitted that, of course. She had become defensive, she had used Hailey's past against her, spitefully. But her drinking was different, because whatever Hailey had done in her life, she had always been in control. Kirsten used to be in control too – only now, the alcohol controlled her.

And Ryan…she had said something inexcusable to Ryan that she couldn't ever take back. She had done it again, just like she had with her father. She had used the one thing that she knew he would feel the most insecure about, but he had stood his ground, and amongst the fear and the pain and the aching, Kirsten felt proud of him. He, too, knew the right words to say to get to her – his own mother. Kirsten had promised him a different life when they had taken him into their family; not verbally, to Ryan, but she had promised herself that she would give him a better life. She had failed, and he had almost made her crack. Almost.

Then there was Seth. Her baby boy. He had barely been able to look at her when he had begged her to get help and it had hit her at that moment exactly what she was doing to her family. She was hurting them too. With Seth in front of her, Sandy beside her, and Ryan and Hailey behind her, Kirsten had felt closed in and she was too tired to fight any more. She couldn't continue like this – she knew it and her family knew it.

So now she was here, in an unfamiliar room soon to be surrounded by unfamiliar people. She heard Sandy making conversation behind her and she wanted to cling to him, beg him not to leave her here, beg him to take her home. She could make all the promises in the world – she could promise to give up the drink, she could promise she could do it on her own – but Sandy had no reason to believe her. Because he _knew _her and he knew she couldn't do it without help. She looked up at him as he rambled.

"Oh, it's a good-sized bed…nice sheets, high thread count. Nice TV, a lot of channels; I bet you get a lot of reading done here."

"Yeah," was all that Kirsten could reply.

A knock at the door interrupted them and they turned to see a round-faced nurse at the entrance.

"Excuse me, Mrs Cohen? We're having a meeting for new guests," she spoke softly.

"What time is the meeting over?" Sandy asked the nurse. He looked towards Kirsten, offering her reassurance. "I just wanna make sure I'm home when you call."

"Actually, she won't be able to make any phone calls for 72 hours," the nurse interjected. "It's detox."

Sandy met Kirsten's eyes, seeing the fear in her face. His heart reached out to her. He hated this – he hated that he couldn't help her himself and that he had to leave her in this room that wasn't theirs, to sleep in this bed that wasn't theirs and to wake up without him. Or maybe he just didn't want to wake up without her.

"Could you give us just a minute?" Sandy asked the nurse. She nodded and left them alone. Sandy turned back to Kirsten, studying her for a moment.

"I'm so sorry, Sandy," Kirsten said, her voice shaky through the tears. "What I said to you…put you through."

Sandy moved towards her, cupping her face and lifting her chin so that he was looking directly into her eyes. Her soft blue eyes that usually sparkled were now dull and lifeless. He wanted to reassure her; he wanted to reassure himself – that they would be ok, that they would be _'Sandy and Kirsten'_ again soon. He was a lawyer and usually so good with words, but when he needed them the most, he wasn't sure that they would be enough. Enough to make her realise how much he loved her and how much this was hurting him too.

"You know, we can bend this thing," Sandy said softly. "Doesn't mean it's gonna break."

Kirsten nodded, a silent understanding falling between them. She held onto his arms and leant into him. Sandy kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her as tightly as he could into his body.

"I love you so much, you know that right?" Sandy whispered into her hair. He felt her body start to tremble in his arms. "I love you so much, don't you dare forget that. I'm only a phonecall away, whenever you need me. And I can drive up here any time."

He spoke forcefully, needing to know that she believed him. "We'll get through this, I know we will."

He felt Kirsten nod against his shirt. He pulled back and lifted her face again. Gently, he wiped away the tears that soaked her cheeks. "You can do this. You're strong enough to fight this. I know you can do this."

Kirsten offered him a small smile through her tears, grateful for his confidence when her own was lacking. There was a knock at the door and a voice telling them that Kirsten had to go. Sandy felt her hands tighten around his body.

"I don't want you to go," Kirsten whispered, her vulnerability transparent.

"I don't want to go either," Sandy said. "But I have to."

Kirsten squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears from starting again. She nodded her head slowly.

"I'm so sorry," she repeated.

Sandy shook his head. "We've both got things to be sorry for. And we'll deal with them when you're stronger. When _we're_ stronger."

"I love you," Kirsten's voice cracked as she spoke.

"I love you too," Sandy said, grazing her lips with his own. "I have to go."

He took in a deep breath, suddenly unsure if he could do this. Could he really leave her here?

"We're going to go out there together, ok? And I'm going to kiss you and I'm gonna have to go. But I'm not _leaving_ you, do you get that? I'm not walking away from you or us."

Kirsten gulped, frightened, but she nodded resiliently. Sandy took her hands, but it was Kirsten who led him out the room, drawing strength from him the way she always had. She turned and Sandy did as he said: his hands cupped her face and he kissed her. And then he let go. She watched him walk away, reminding herself of his words – he wasn't leaving her. He paused at the corner and she blew him a kiss. Her brain told her to run after him and cling to him, but her feet refused to move. She couldn't follow him. She_ had_ to stay.

Sandy smiled sadly before disappearing out of sight. He walked briskly, which turned into a run when he saw the door. He rushed outside, gasping for air as he felt his heart pumping in his chest and his mind spun with doubts. He fumbled with his keys as he unlocked the car and collapsed into the driver's seat, locking himself inside.

Inside, Kirsten was following the nurse to her first meeting, her hands trembling; outside, Sandy dropped his head against the steering wheel, finally allowing his own tears to fall. They were both scared; both regretful; both heartbroken.

Both alone.

**

* * *

That's it! A massive THANK YOU to everyone who has been reading this story and especially to those who have left reviews and comments, whether here or somewhere else. They mean so much to me! A special thank you to anyone who has every listened to me moan over MSN when I've been stuck and uninspired, especially Sunny who has beta'd for me. **

**Now that this fic is over, I'll be concentrating on Rehabilitation and, hopefully, I'll now find the time to finish Maybe This Chrismukkah. I'm sure Season 3 missing scenes will be written too – first prize goes to anyone who can come up with a decent fic title! (I'm serious, I'm totally stuck – any ideas would be gratefully received!)**

**Thanks again. Roll on season 3. :D**


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